My 24-year-old sister’s boyfriend is bisexual. She doesn’t care because she’s bi-curious, but my parents don’t understand AT ALL. To be honest, I’m not sure why she told them, but I think she was worried they would find out somehow and she wanted them to be prepared.

I think it backfired because the poor guy can’t come over without getting peppered with a million questions. My mom is so curious, it’s hilarious. She doesn’t act or sound judgmental, but I have a feeling she thinks it’s strange. My dad, on the other hand, is very open about what he thinks. He’s not mean or rude – he really likes my sister’s boyfriend – but he’s very clear how he feels about this sexual “difference to the norm” (in his words).

I like the boyfriend, too – he’s a very nice guy – but now I’m wondering if my sister just keeps him around because he’s a party trick. You know what I mean?

Not so into him

Do you know for a fact that your sister’s just not that into her boyfriend? Or are you making assumptions? If you know, then perhaps you should sit down with her and explain why it’s not fair to keep people around as a side show. That if she’s not that into him, she should break up with him. They can still be friends, but he has a right to know how your sister REALLY feels.

If it’s just what you think, maybe still talk to your sister. Because if you’re getting that vibe, maybe he is as well. And you would hate for your sister to lose a guy she likes because she acts like she doesn’t. Does that make sense?

Also, quietly advise your parents to dial back the interrogation. It’s weird and inappropriate.

My work colleague shows up Monday and Friday mornings looking like she just woke up on someone’s couch. Especially on Friday, as she’s usually wearing inappropriate clothing for our workplace. I don’t want to give her away, but we work at a salon, so tight dresses and high heels don’t work for a day on your feet.

I have taken to bringing an extra pair of leggings, a T-shirt and running shoes to work, just in case. We’re not entirely the same size, but I’m doing the best I can to help her. I also bring extra food, like a sandwich or muffin, in case she hasn’t eaten.

I don’t know her very well, but I’m concerned about her well-being. I’ve tried asking her about her weekend in a casual relaxed way, but she just says things like, oh, I stayed home and watched TV – which we all know just isn’t true.

Some of the other girls are starting to talk behind her back and judge her. I’m worried she’s going to lose her job, and I have a feeling this is all she’s got. What can I do to help her?

Concerned Colleague

You are very kind to worry about someone you barely know. And your empathy shows in that you bring extra clothing and food for her. Hopefully, she shows her gratitude.

All you can do is talk to her. Perhaps ask her to go on a coffee break with you and walk out of the salon, if possible. She may need privacy to open up to you. Ask her if she’s OK, and if there’s anything you can do to help. Also, tell her that you’re happy to continue doing what you’re doing (if you are), but you’re worried about her losing her job (for whatever reason you believe is the cause).

Hopefully she’ll open up enough and you can help her. But remember: if she doesn’t want your help, or believe she needs it, then walk away.

FEEDBACK Regarding the aromatic abode (Dec. 16; Mar. 11):
Reader – “What school did this woman go to?!?  In 1957, I was in Riverdale, in middle school. The neighbourhood kids were Greek, Italian, Japanese, Ukrainian, Latvian, Estonian, German, Polish, French-Canadian, Jewish, Black and Indigenous, many of them recent immigrants.  They all kept their names, though some had western first names as well.

“I never encountered any Italian girls without earrings, in school or out. I recall one teacher asking a girl why she called herself Vicky rather than using her lovely Greek name, Eleftheria.

“I don’t doubt that some minority students and immigrants encountered prejudice from some teachers and administrators. But my experience suggests it was not the norm.  And I have a lovely photograph of my half-sister’s class posed outside of the school with every child in their ethnic dress.  She was decades older than me, so the photo was probably taken in the early 1920s.”