A year ago, I met a guy and instantly fell in love. We got close pretty fast, though never in an actual relationship. But I thought we’d end up together one day.

He seemed to be my obsession, like I was under a spell. I’d think he’d never see "us" going anywhere, and get upset.

He acted like he felt the same way towards me, which was why I was always hurt.

Five months into just hanging out, and being strung along, I went out of town, came back, and he’d found another girl. I was CRUSHED!!!! I cried for four months.

Finally, I met someone else. Eventually, that other guy and his girlfriend broke up. He came back, but I had a boyfriend, so were just friends. He decided he actually did not want me, so we stopped talking. I kept crying, because I’d lost him again.

One month later, he wants to make things right, so we hung out. His ex got jealous, and he left me AGAIN.

Two months later, I couldn’t get him out of my mind, and contacted him. Now he wants me to choose between him and my boyfriend.

Obsessed

The “spell” you’re under is romantic/sexual delusion. You think this guy, with whom all you’ve had is sex and drama, can actually be The One for you.

He can’t. You started off as booty call, no relationship. He couldn’t stay loyal for the few days you left town. He’s never pursued you, because you’ve made yourself available, no matter what he did.

It’s a crummy way to start anything, and rarely lasts. Even if you re-connected again, there’s been no foundation of serious caring, or knowing each other in a deeper way.

If you want a long-term committed relationship with anyone, you need to value yourself more highly, and deal with realities (as in, he’s not The One) instead of obsessions.

My office manager treats me badly whenever I eat anything. She says I shouldn’t eat because I’m too fat, and not entitled to a snack.

No matter how healthy or unhealthy my lunch, she says something about it. She humiliates me in front of other employees, saying I’ll be the next dead secretary.

I’m overweight, but I’m losing, currently doing very well.

I want to eat in peace, without put-downs.

She’s very powerful in the office and enjoys making people’s lives hell. Another employee said my boss wouldn’t believe me, no matter the issue.

What can I do or say without getting fired? I need to figure out how to eat some lunch without having to go to my car to eat.

Workplace Misery

Call this what it is: Workplace Harassment. Do some research online about the labour laws on this treatment in your jurisdiction.

Then send a carefully worded note to your manager with a copy to the boss, using that phrase “workplace harassment,” and describing the behaviour to you around your mealtime.

If you like your job and wish to continue working there, say so, and also say that you appreciate that she may betrying to motivate you to take care of your health, but instead it’s stressing you and interfering with your ability to work comfortably. You might add, if it’s so (and possible), that you’d prefer to transfer to another department of the company.

If you get no response and/or nothing changes, you should start looking elsewhere for work. Her treatment of you is intolerable, no matter her motive.

My female friend of several years has a boyfriend. I’ve asked her numerous times to let me know about single parties.

She attends, but fails to let me know about them. She likes to get together with me, alone, to share her problems.

I’ve been a good friend, but am tired and resentful of her behaviour. She hasn't changed despite my requests.
Should I terminate the friendship? Or are my expectations of friendship too high?

Left Out

She’s too self-interested to be a good friend. She goes to single parties alone, because she’s keeping her options open despite having a boyfriend…. which tells you a lot about her loyalties.

She’s not willing to share with you any potential “finds” of available men she might like.

Yet she’s happy to use you for a listening post.

Go to community web sites to find singles’ events. Then tell her you’re busy, when she calls to talk about herself.