I’m late-40s in a 13-year relationship that’s gone stale. We’re little more than dinner companions (zero commitment, communication or future plans).
I’ve been seeing someone else for six months. He’s also unhappy in a long-term relationship. We’re both living alone, seeing each other weekly, I’m in love. He says he is too, but “not ready” to end his relationship.
I don’t want to continue this way, but I don’t want to not see him.
Sometimes I think he’s testing me for the future. He asked if I’d ever leave him (if he committed to me). But sometimes I think he’s just a player.
I don’t know how to move forward with either of these relationships and I feel like I’m unsettled and will never be happy.

- Suspended, in Canada

There’s no “forward” drive on your old relationship, so end it. You’ve been hanging on for security, but “dinner” will never fill that need.
Become fully available to your new man. If he’s testing you, that’s the proof he seeks. But, if he’s a player, he’ll still not be ready when you are. That’ll be your signal to exit that relationship, too, and start dating only men who are unattached.
You need a level playing field to become partners, but not one that’s already crowded with team-mates.

I’ve just finished high school, with my boyfriend of eight months, who is depressed. Initially, he was always happy. He made me feel stronger and better about myself.
Now that he’s into drugs, he’s always depressed and never wants to be around me any more. I asked him to cut back the drugs for me and he got angry.
His friends hate me because I don’t “smoke right.” Since I stopped hanging out with them, he’s more distant. When I’ve talked to him about this, he makes me feel horrible about myself.
I cry all the time.
He makes promises with me and then breaks them. I love him but I don't know how to help him.

- Alone

Run, and don’t look back. This guy will drag you into his world – drugs and deeper depression – unless you reach into your natural well of self-preservation, and realize he’s not worth your pain.
It’s not your job to “help” him; he’s not asking for it and is pushing you away. Your first responsibility is to yourself; only if you learn to stay strong and stick to your own values, can you ever be a help to someone who will respond to your support.
Young adults often drift into different streams, and this guy has chosen one that’s murky and dangerous.
Your “depression” partly comes from sadness at seeing him change, but it’s not your fault. Leave him, and if your low mood persists, talk to your parents and/or your family doctor to help you lift your outlook and self-esteem.

I’m moving to a new house with my fiancé after our wedding, and just learned that a former friend with whom I had a falling-out, recently moved to the same street. She’s friends with his ex and I suspected she was carrying tales, so I dropped her. How do I handle being neighbours?

- Jinxed

Keep a smile on your face and a pleasant attitude when out on the street, but keep your personal business private, behind closed doors. Ask no questions, and answer none having to do with his ex or your life together.

I’m a single woman with no family at all.
My friends aren’t available to me 24/7, all have demanding careers, husbands, parents, siblings, children, etc. Even my single friends are busy with family stuff.
What should I do in an emergency?
Are there agencies that provide help to people without a support system?
I know you’ll say to find one friend who’ll watch out for me, but it’s not easy.

- Need Ideas

Be pro-active about creating a caring network: Yes, start with your closest friends and show interest in being part of their “family stuff,” not an outsider to it.
Contact your faith community to learn what social services they provide for those on their own, when necessary.
Many community social agencies help people, and a good way to learn how to access them – and to build a broader personal network – is to volunteer while you’re healthy and able.