My boyfriend is always complaining that he has no money and can’t do all the things his friends do. But he doesn’t have a job. I work and go to school, and because I’m out all the time, I constantly see job postings everywhere. At first, I told my boyfriend about every post I saw. Now I’m more discerning. But he doesn’t do anything about it.
I’ve never heard him say, “Oh I found a job. I’m going to apply.” How does he actually think he’s going to make money if he just sits at home watching TV and playing video games?
We rarely go out and if we do, I pay. So, I have to really want to do whatever it is we’re doing. It’s been like this for several months. I’m thinking of breaking up with him.
There is definitely a strong correlation between working, getting paid, and then having money in your pocket. If your boyfriend isn’t doing anything to find himself a job, and he isn’t appreciating the opportunities you lay out in front of him, and he’s doing nothing with his life…… why is he your boyfriend?
Unless the only thing you want from him is sex and companionship, this relationship isn’t going to last very long.
Especially since you sound ambitious.
But if you like him a lot, maybe even love him, don’t let him go without giving it your all. Take him out for a nice dinner and talk about where you see your life going in the next few months and the next year, whatever you’ve got planned out. Then ask him where he sees himself in that same time frame.
This conversation will show you what you need to know. Good luck!
My sister-in-law and I don’t talk. We had a big falling out years ago, and this is how it’s manifested. I reach out now and again but she doesn’t reply. She refuses to talk about the incident, or to even talk at all.
No one in the family tries to “fix” the issue. We don’t live in the same city, so time passes without it being a problem for anyone. It’s fine – we don’t need to ever be friends again.
The problem is that she thinks she’s friends with a very good friend of mine. Whenever she does come to our city, she reaches out to this friend in hopes of hanging out. My friend has no interest in spending any time with her. She and I were friends first, since we were little, and out of loyalty to me, she wants nothing to do with my sister-in-law. I didn’t suggest this; it’s of the friend’s own volition.
Recently, my sister-in-law has starting making attempts at friendly communication with me. I don’t trust her or her motives, so I’m wary. But I love my brother and my nieces, and for their sake I’d be open to reconciliation.
What do I say to my staunch friend?
Your friend sounds like she is trying to protect you, which is very sweet. As adults, you don’t need this protection, but I’m sure it makes you feel good to know you’ve got someone in your corner. And obviously there’s no major friendship between them, so choosing you isn’t negatively affecting her either.
The sister-in-law relationship is important to the two of you, though, and for the sake of the family, you should try everything to get back to at least an amicable state. Tell your friend so she’s aware, and maybe the first time you see your sister-in-law, this friend can join to make it a light and friendly encounter.
FEEDBACK Regarding the woman who felt ugly compared to her sister (Feb. 28):
Reader – “As I age, I realize that looks become less important. Sure, beautiful women are attractive. But looks are one of the least important things in a relationship.
“In some ways beauty can be a negative. With all the attention a beautiful woman gets, she might become a bit vain and not concentrate on becoming an ideal companion. And, of course, her husband would have to deal with all the other men hitting on her constantly.
“The reality is that beauty matters little in a solid relationship. What does matter is how well two people respect each other, how close their opinions of things are and how they can depend upon each other to do the right thing.
“With the lights out what does beauty have to do with enjoyable sex? When a problem comes up, and they always do, looks don't matter.”