My friend and I both got jobs this summer working at a restaurant in a trendy part of town. Because we were new, we got the early lunch shift, which is the worst shift. I guess we proved ourselves because after a month they gave us the evening shift. It’s way busier and chaotic. The customers are there to party, with eating as a side show.
Last week my friend got caught fooling around with a guest, while he was working, in the back alley. I hadn’t seen this woman before that day, but he says she had been in twice, flirting with him. Now he’s been fired. He wants me to quit, in solidarity, but he doesn’t have another job lined up.
The owner even asked me to have a drink with him after my shift, and offered me a small raise to stay on after my friend was fired.
I like the job, the pay and the tips, and I’m having fun. I’ve met new people and want to stay. How do I tell my friend that I’m not going to quit for him?
Be strong, confident and self-assured. You have a good thing going and it’s working for you. You enjoyed working with him, but he screwed it up. Unless and until he finds a better job with better pay, you’re not quitting.
This has absolutely nothing to do with your friendship and don’t let him convince you otherwise. You two made a plan, found a job, and he was caught with his pants down (it’s just a saying but seems to be very fitting here). That’s his problem, not yours.
If he doesn’t find another job, you could ask your boss to take him back with some conditions. He may since there’s such a shortage of employees these days.
My mother-in-law has been insensitive, hurtful and rude to me and my husband on occasion over the years. Other than a short estrangement with my husband some years ago, we refrain from too much confrontation with her.
Numerous times she has mentioned to me and another sister-in-law that should our husbands die before her, “we will not get a penny” (while wagging her finger at us!). During the most recent telling of this old story, she reminded me that, should my husband die before her, the money goes to our children because “they are family.” I asked her, “so after 40+ years, am I not considered family?”
Her answer was clear: Nope, I am not family.
I can understand your hurt resulting from your mother-in-law’s rude and unnecessary comments. I think you and your husband are smart to avoid any confrontation with her.
But why all this talk of death? Is someone sick? If so, the focus should be on them, and not on her bank account. But if the ill person is one of her sons, maybe this is her way of dealing with the fear and grief of losing a child. (Remember that no matter how old a person is, they are still their parent’s child).
My other thought leans towards why your mother-in-law is so focused on her own wealth and where it will eventually go. Have you and your sister-in-law tried to spend her money? Does she already look at you both as “gold-diggers?”
My suggestion is to let it roll off your back. She is trying to hurt you; don’t let her. If your husband comes to an untimely demise, and your children inherit his portion of her wealth, that will alleviate the financial stress on you (depending on the age of the children).
Shower your mother-in-law with love and avoid confrontation.
FEEDBACK Regarding the wife who bought her husband a brightly coloured running outfit (June 12):
Reader #1 – “His wife was not unthoughtful at all with her gift. It has been shown that bright reflective clothing keeps a runner/biker safe by being more visible. She missed the opportunity to explain why she purchased the bright colours, but clearly, she wants him to be noticed as he runs.
“This was a gift of love even if it is not the usual colours he wears. She wants him to make it home safe after each run.”
Reader #2 – “Maybe she is trying to tell him something. Maybe he is too conservative and she wants him to loosen up a bit. Tell him to wear it to bed. He can then always take it off. It's a start.... :-)”
Lisi – Two very different reasons for the purchase, but both based in love.