My partner of three years and I have two babies – ages two years and six months.

We fight in a respectful way, never attack the other, only the problem at hand. We’re truly happy together.

But, there’s no sex now, at all.

He says sex depletes his life force, that when we have sex he feels numb on one side of his body. But the family doctor said nothing’s wrong.

I asked if it had to do with my body changes (weight gain... he said that it doesn’t help).

I suggested doing other things that don’t involve penetration. But he says it’ll lead to sex.

He truly believes that sex will hurt him. According to research I did, his background culture believes sex is for procreation only. I feel frustrated and miss the closeness.

He says he doesn’t want anyone else and is happy with our family.

At a Loss

Whatever “cultural” factors may be at play, he should be talking to you straight and looking for a solution. Not dismissing your concerns with his mystery “numbness” and “depleted” life force.

He doesn’t want sex, period. Why? What’s he willing to do as compromise?

If he’s worried about not wanting or being able to afford more children, that’s a fair discussion. If he finds your weight gain unappealing, he’s unfair, given the still-recent births of two young babies.

BUT, if he keeps just rejecting intimacy, you’ll become more frustrated and lonely, and eventually resent him.

Insist on getting therapy together. Get professional help probing his true beliefs, any medical issues, and how both of you can get your needs heard in an equal partnership.

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for 18 months. Six months ago, I moved away by four hours’ drive, for a great job.

He supported the decision. Before that, we’d each lived at our parent’s homes. Now, we have our own apartments - he’s only a half-hour from his family.

For Christmas, I returned home to split my time equally between parents and boyfriend.

Usually, I see him for the whole weekend. I don't see my parents very often. I normally spend all my time with him.

But he doesn't understand how I wanted to be with my parents so much during the holidays. He says he’s “over that period” in his life.

I don't get why he can't understand that I miss them. Also, I initially proposed staying there on the Friday night of a weekend, then coming to his place on Saturday morning.

He wasn't happy with that suggestion. I get that he misses me and wants to spend as much time as possible together, because I miss him too.

I expressed disappointment that he wasn't more supportive of me visiting my family, and said I feel like I'm being pulled in two directions.

I love him, but I think this might be the breaking point for me.

Standoff

He’s “over it,” you’re not. Meanwhile, he lives near family and knows he can see them any time, or not. By contrast, you’re living where it’s much harder to just drop by.

His possessiveness on those visits may be intended to flatter you, but they also send a message that he doesn’t accept your need for family closeness. That can be an even bigger issue between you over time.

Is it worth breaking up? Not necessarily. But if, on other issues too, he signals, “My way matters most,” decide whether your way matters enough to call a break and re-think the relationship.

FEEDBACK Regarding the couple who were uncomfortable about having dinner in a house where cats roam freely on the kitchen counters, but didn’t want to insult their friend (Dec. 22):

Reader #1- “I have cats and they go on the counter when I'm not present, but know better then to let me catch them.

“I like to cook, and I wipe all my counter surfaces down with disinfectant before cooking. I think most cat owners do the same. It's possible to have pets and not contaminate food.”

Kamloops Cat Lover

Reader #2 – “Yes, pets sometimes carry some diseases. So do children. Frankly, as someone who loves cats and received great comfort and companionship from them, I don’t trust anyone who doesn’t like cats and is fearful of what they’ll “catch” by eating in the same home.”

Ellie – “Good friends should be able to state discomforts and find other ways to get together.”