Having spit up with what I thought was the great love of my life - through growing apart - at 47, I'm trying to meet single women for dates, and am floundering miserably. I'm told I'm quite good-looking and very fit for my age, have a Master's degree, my own home, a steady job, and am well-respected in the community. I have lots of good friends.
However, I work evenings and weekends, and refuse to own an automobile for ethical reasons (global warming anyone?). I've tried on-line dating, but never meet anyone who isn't grossed out by my shift work or refusal to pollute the planet. I can't go to night school, church, etc, because of work. There should be single women who work shifts and don't have cars too ---- where are they?
- Seeking a Match
You forgot to mention that you're also sly - at least in trying to use my column as a Personal Ad. I don't know where auto-rejecting, night-shift females hang out, but I won't be passing on names to you or them.
Instead, I have advice (no surprise): Use your own contacts and interests to broaden your network. And do the work that's required to show them and their women friends and colleagues that you have other attractive features that are also important to dating, e.g. an open mind, and a friendly, flexible personality. Too much chat about your time restrictions and too much pressure about your ideology may be turning off some women you meet. Volunteering at environmentally-minded organizations would be a start to meeting like-minded people.
Also, sign up for day-time programs and courses. There are lots of these, from ski outings to book clubs.
I'm expecting our first child this summer, and the uncomfortable topic of a baby shower has been raised by friends and family. We don't really want a shower because we don't need much. We know a lot of couples with babies, who've found a lot of the baby items unnecessary. We have a small house with few areas for storage. Neither one of us is materialistic, but we'd prefer to buy the necessities ourselves.
We were thinking about sending out announcements with an open invitation to come over and see the baby. Will people be offended? Will people assume that we're only looking for baby gifts? We're not, but we would like the good company of visitors, and to share in our joy of the baby. What's the appropriate way to tell people that we don't want a baby shower without offending anyone or sounding weird?
- To Shower or Not
Every expectant couple has the right to make their own decisions regarding showers. This is neither weird nor offensive, if stated simply, "We prefer not to have a shower, but appreciate your interest and hope you'll call to visit us later to see our baby." People will still bring gifts, and YES, it'd be offensive to look dismayed when they present them.
Also, do NOT send out an open invitation to everyone to whom you send an announcement; save that for closest family and friends. A new mother needs rest time whenever possible and should preserve her energies for the baby.
I'll be finishing school soon and want to find a job in a smaller city while my boyfriend of two years loves big city life. I have a daughter, age seven, from a previous relationship and it's important to me that she doesn't grow up in the city. After three years living in a big city I know I don't feel comfortable or safe and doubt I'll be able to afford a house there (important to me). We've talked about this many times but have never settled it. He wants to feel the big city energy and be close to his friends... these aren't good enough reasons for me. We've talked about living just outside of the city but we both don't want to commute; he feels he'll start resenting me if that happens. I love him but I'm torn.
- Between Cities
No compromise, no relationship. It's really that straightforward. Neither of you want to commute. You won't look for the small neighbourhoods that exist in big cities. And you don't even accept his reasons and have never resolved this basic breach. It doesn't speak well for working out a long future together. So, move on, since this dispute is a cover for both not caring enough to bend.
Tip of the day:
Finding a date/mate takes trying new approaches and showing flexibility.