I met a girl at work, and wasn't initially attracted to her, but over recent months we've gotten to know each other well.
Recently, she admitted to liking me and I care for her as well. But the problem is she has a boyfriend and they live together. They've only been together for a year (moved in together after three months). I know she's content with him but she shows me affection. I'm a little confused as to what to do.
- Lost and Confused
Good thing you're only "a little" confused, so you can end that state right now: Back off this girl who's playing you. She's settled, but likes the flattery of your interest. She may think this workplace flirtation is harmless, but it's not. She's also impetuous (moving in so fast), so her "liking" you is probably a passing interest.
Meanwhile, you're getting hooked and could easily make the foolish mistake of thinking there's a chance for you. Forget it. Let her know, in a firm way, that you've recognized that taking risks with someone else's live-in girlfriend is neither smart nor safe. And mean it.
I've been involved with an older man, for seven months; I'm 21, he's 40. He's successful and established. I'm still a struggling student and work part-time. He's divorced with two young children. I fell in love with him. He'd frequently raise the age difference, stating that it bothered him. I'd respond by saying it did not bother me. He treated me very well throughout the relationship. He tried to cut me loose once before, but came back saying he'd made a mistake.
Suddenly, he stop calling me, or answering my calls and text messages. Should I continue trying to contact him or should I just cut my losses and move on? Is he doing me a favour by ignoring my calls? I miss him.
It's not just the age difference. Couples can handle that gap, when they're both committed to mutual goals and share the same conviction about making it work. He's neither committed nor convinced. Plus he has years of responsibilities for his young children, involving finances and lifestyle demands. He likely believes that you two aren't suited as partners to share these matters. And he's correct in giving all this careful consideration. Though he was unkind to end it so abruptly, perhaps he felt you just weren't accepting his concerns.
Stop calling and move on.
I lost my best friend years ago when I moved away, and I'd like the chance to get to know him again. We'd dated for 18 months; that was six years ago. He's been with his girlfriend for four years. We remained in contact, but she'll not let him have anything to do with me.
During their time together, I've slept with him about 20 times. So it's understandable that she hates me. At one point his girlfriend and I had plans to meet because she wanted to know all the times that I'd slept with or talked to him, but I backed out. He's made it obvious that he wants to stay with her. I know I'm not behaving properly. I deserve better then being his second best. She deserves better than a man who will cheat on her. And he needs to grow up.
So, do I call her and see if she still wants to know everything? Do I mail her a package stating how many times and all the e-mails. He'll never tell her the truth. She deserves to know the truth to decide whether to stay with him. He confuses me because one week ago he was talking about taking me to a hotel room but he won't leave his girlfriend.
- Friends With Benefits
Read your own lips: You are NOT behaving decently, nor with any self-respect. You're messing in his girlfriend's life, and selling yourself cheap.
NO, do not tell her how many times, where, or any other detail of your sleeping around with her boyfriend, since it reveals your own disrespect of her and of yourself, as much as his cheating. She'll never thank you for the news, and besides, she already knows he's a dirty dog. Besides, your real motive is to get him back... but he already knows he can always have you on the side. So it won't work.
Get a grip, and find a guy who's available and wants you only.
Tip of the day:
Going after someone else's full-time partner, is looking for trouble.