My ex-boyfriend of two years together taught me about love and sex. With my new boyfriend of three months, I feel a real connection – we’ve taken it slow and the communication is better with him.        
      Yet, I’m torn, because I maintain contact with my ex. We love each other, but I never felt secure with him. Something always pulls us back (it may be sex).    
      He unfortunately suffers some undiagnosed depression. He was in a serious accident that ignited anxiety and questions about life, etc. So he asked for a break in our relationship.     
      He has good family and some friends, but calls me his best friend. The next month, I met someone else and we’re falling for each other. But I’m not over my ex. He calls frequently; dying to talk to me, sleep with me, etc. But he offers nothing concrete.     
      How do I not get hurt in the end - and maintain respect for these men and myself?
      - Conflicted

You’re not being honest with this new boyfriend, who’ll be devastated when he finds out you’re involved with your ex, sexually and emotionally.    
      And you’re not honest with your ex, that you’re falling in love with another and feel more secure with him. Worse, you’re being dishonest with yourself in thinking the choice is yours.     
      Your ex has control – he calls the “break;” he calls up for sex and comfort. Reality check: it’s not the relationship that it once was. Move on.   
      If your ex gets past his anxieties and wants to re-connect   think it over carefully and make sure he’s the right guy for the long-term. Or not.

I’m 26, male, almost have two Bachelor degree’s and I’m a decent-looking guy. My parents brought me up very well and I have a great respect for women.     
      The last eight years of my life revolved around school and a sport I played at a very high level. In the last two years, I’ve learned the value of a balanced life style. I’ve learned to enjoy other things, including the company of a girlfriend.       
      However, in more than two years, I haven’t been in a relationship that lasted more than four months and all three of the girls I’ve dated ended it. I didn’t cheat or do anything disrespectful to cause these breakups.     
      All three unexpectedly decided they didn’t have feelings for me which they once did, or “had some other issues they were dealing with” and couldn’t be in a relationship.     
      Am I doing something wrong? I feel I’m a good catch and have a lot going for me. Even some relatives and friends are curious why I don’t have a girlfriend.
      - Concerned

Your expectations exceed your experience. If everyone had long-lasting relationships with their first mates, there’s be a lot more young marriages … and a lot more break-ups, too.     
      Those three girlfriends were not harbingers of doom for your success rate, BUT you can learn from the connections and how they changed.    
      Did you start off with too much steam: did you try to occupy all their time: were you possessive or too intense in your chats?     
      Four months does not make for a long dating period; those early days should be taken slowly, getting to know different aspects of a person, finding things you like to go to, participate in, or talk about together.    
      But there should be space for time alone, for other friends, for personal work/studies.    
      Stay optimistic and keep trying. You still have a lot to offer.

I’ve been struggling with anorexia and bulimia for 16 years - in and out of treatment centres. For two years, I’ve “convinced” people that I’m healthy although I weigh under 100 pounds and stand at 5’5.”   
      I’ve been in a great six-month relationship; he thinks I’m “cured.” I fear if I tell him he might leave me. I’m late-20s and want a family and kids. And we both want a future together. How can I get help?
      - Struggling

You’ve found the best motivator – the keen, personally driven desire for a better future. You need a combined program of therapy sessions and behaviour modification strategies.    
      Stop thinking you can hide this condition; it’ll be far more frightening to your love when he discovers it persists.     
      Be open, and ask for his support. Then find a doctor and treatment centre that you feel CAN be successful, once your own approach is more open.