My intense 18-month relationship just ended; we met in first-year university, I helped to support him financially and emotionally when he lost his job. He dropped out, and we started living together.     
      Then, we tried a long distance relationship. I thought things were great, until we got into a few arguments and he suddenly ended it.      
      He says it has nothing to do with me, but rather him, that he needs to be alone and figure his life out. He maintains that it’s his problem that he has to deal with. He has a history of cheating and lying.      
      I’ve forgiven him in the past. He’s my first long term relationship. I’m showing severe signs of depression - unable to stop crying or eat anything. Should I pursue him at a later date or try to move on?
      - Devastated

Take a good look in the mirror: You’ll see a strong young woman who took on a guy with problems. He needed money, a place to live … you provided all, and still he needed to “figure out” things.    
      Don’t let your first relationship set the pattern for being the Rescuer. It’s important to care about a partner, but “support” doesn’t mean carrying them, and being used.    
      Do NOT pursue. Heal your wounds, and learn your lesson … then move on.

My boyfriend’s older sister (in her 30s) shows controlling behaviour with him and negativity towards me (his same-sex partner). We’ve dated over three years. I thought it was resentment that her brother had a boyfriend and she did not, and that I was taking him away from her.     
      Recently, he and I went on vacation and she invited herself along. I wasn’t really upset and saw it as a way for us to get to know each other better so we could get along.
      I noticed her stealing on multiple occasions - little knick-knacks or food. I don't know how to bring this up to my boyfriend, I think he'll get defensive and she'll turn it around on me. What should I do?
      - Concerned

Stay mum with your man. Missing knick-knacks aren’t as important as what his sister is feeling, and you’re likely correct that it’s jealousy.    
      You can let her know casually that you’re aware of things – as in, “I gather you like collecting pill boxes, too. I know where to get some antique ones.” She may feign ignorance of the topic, but she’ll either get your message, or she didn’t really take them.     
      But meanwhile, follow your instinct to befriend her. Maybe she needs time to accept her brother’s same-sex relationship; maybe she’s just looking for her own companionship (and maybe you can help her meet people, too).    
      But tattling to your partner, at this point, is petty and divisive. If she starts to act hostile, he’ll see it. Or you can point it out, then.

I have spots all over my body, hands, face and legs which I rub or scratch until the skin wears away. I also love to pick my lips, nothing can stop me.    
      I hide this habit – only my husband notices, he just tells me to stop. I'm a professional with a young child and full life but plagued by this for years.
      - Rubbed Raw

See a doctor, you may have an allergy or skin condition that can be treated, plus you’re exposing yourself to potential infection.     
      You may also be responding to anxiety, or an obsessive-compulsive disorder. Soon, your child WILL notice and copy. Get help.

FEEDBACK A reader’s thoughtful response to the man who wants more sex with his wife (March 9):    
      Reader – “He doesn't talk about his feelings of affection and caring for his wife, or about wanting to find out what gives her pleasure.    
      “Does he cuddle with her, hug and kiss even when sex is not directly on the "agenda?" Does he find time to praise her, touch her, take walks together, talk in bed about what they both like and want, make time to "play" together, give each other backrubs, etc?     
      “She may crave more of this attention, which is good in itself as well as opening the door to love-making - or there may be other reasons for this difficulty in the marriage: her self-image, as you suggest, or other problems not talked about.     
      “It seems both of them are seeing sex more as a commodity than as communication.”