My mom is a neurotic, anxious worrier. She is the epitome of a helicopter mom. She is afraid that I’ll get hurt, or fail, or I don’t know what. My dad doesn’t care. Sometimes he’ll argue with her, but sometimes he feels even stronger than her about the same topic. I never know with him.
Recently I was invited to a friend’s cottage with some of our other friends. Everyone was excited as we were going to spend time on the boat, the standup paddleboards, and do some water sports, like wakeboarding and tubing. Not surprisingly, my parents said I couldn’t go. They said boats are dangerous, tubing is dangerous, and wakeboarding is dangerous.
I begged them to let me go and promised I wouldn’t do any of the sports they banned. Just to be on the water with my friends would be enough for me. They finally acquiesced, after my friend’s father called, assuring them that he would be in the boat and on the dock the entire time we were there and wouldn’t let me do the things they were afraid of.
Most of my friends understand that my parents are crazy, but I’m sick of being odd man out. Why can’t I just do all the things my friends do?
Bubble Boy
It sounds as though your parents have deep-seated fears, perhaps from their childhood and upbringing, perhaps from bad experiences, perhaps just fear of the unknown. You sound quite young, which is a good thing. You have your whole life ahead of you! Yes, it may feel as though your wings are clipped by overbearing parents right now. Trust me when I say that when you’re a parent, you’ll have a better understanding of why they do the things they do. That’s not to say you’ll do the same, or that you need to agree with their methods.
However, you have no choice but to abide by their rules. For now. Don’t make a fuss; you won’t change them.
There’s something wrong with my wife. She keeps making up words for household items, is irritable much of the time, is constantly scratching and barely sleeps. She walks around the house muttering to herself, but when I ask her what she’s talking about, she bites my head off saying she’s making mental lists of things that need to get done around the house.
She’s super loving to the children but rolls her eyes at me constantly and is completely uninterested in any sexual activity, no matter how I try to initiate.
What is going on here?
Where’s my wife?
Though you didn’t mention her age, from your description, I can almost guarantee that your wife is going through some form of perimenopause/menopause symptoms. Forgetting words, irritability, lack of sleep and itchiness are all classic signs. Has she seen a doctor lately? Do you know if she still gets her period?
I strongly suggest she makes an appointment with her family doctor and then takes her recommendations on which other practitioners, including dieticians, nutritionists and homeopaths she should see. There are lots of ways to alleviate menopausal symptoms, all specific to the person.
Try to help her through this transition with as much light and laughter as possible. Did she just call parmesan “spaghetti confetti?” Add that to your family’s lexicon. Offer help, be kind, and mostly, be patient.
FEEDBACK Regarding cellphone usage (April 21):
Reader – “One of the most aggravating misuses of cellphones occurs when someone in proximity doesn’t seem to understand how low one may speak into their cell to be heard. Are they simply oblivious or inconsiderate? Consequently, they speak very loudly, sharing their conversation with everyone. It is obvious that the concept of social etiquette is totally lost on them.”
FEEDBACK Regarding the retired businessman (Jan. 28; April 21):
Reader – “I am part of a network of 54 Ontario government funded Small Business Enterprise Centres. He can check out www.sbcontario.ca and contact his closest centre to learn more about volunteering for one of many mentoring opportunities. Our network needs mentors for student run summer businesses and for new or growing full-time businesses.
“If the gentleman has a strong tech startup background he can mentor through one of our Regional Innovation Centres.
“There are other programs that would welcome mentors. Our mentors contribute six to eight hours over the summer for the student program and eight to 12 hours to mentor adults who are looking to start or grow their own small business.
“There are similar programs in other provinces and across the United States.”
Lisi – Thank you! The more ideas, the better!