I went to a party with my sister-in-law recently and was absolutely stunned by her performance. It was definitely a fun party, and everyone was having a great time. Most of us got quite dressed up for the occasion and we were excited to celebrate the person of honour.

My SIL arrived in a sweatsuit. That’s right, to a fancy party where everyone else was wearing dresses, skirts, cool jeans, funky pants – she arrived in a sweatsuit. I honestly thought she had been running late and was going to run into the washroom and change. But no – this was her outfit of choice.

It was an afternoon party, and it is winter, but still. The look on everyone’s face was mild shock at her extremely casual attire.

We had some light alcoholic beverages to start, some appetizers passed around and then we played some silly party games. As the games progressed, more alcohol was involved and people started having more silly fun.

Somehow, I don’t know when or how, my SIL got extremely drunk. Unnecessarily drunk. Over the top drunk. We were all dancing and she was flinging herself around. And then, she did an impromptu and very inappropriate strip tease – down to her knickers!

She ended up with her head in the toilet until we could get her in a taxi and home. I’m so embarrassed for her! And she’s not speaking to anyone. What now?

Sloppy SIL

Leave her alone for a bit. Sounds like she’d be embarrassed, which is probably why she’s avoiding everyone. But if you want to coax her out of hiding, drop off things at her house, like a big bottle of Advil, or a pizza, or a balaclava to hide her face. It doesn’t matter – you just want to get her to laugh. Once she can laugh at herself, then you can talk to her, and hopefully she can admit to the absurdity of her behaviour. Talk it through with her. Find out her why. She will certainly know that her outfit, excessive drinking and a strip tease were all inappropriate for the event in question.

Hopefully she can pull up her pants and apologize to the person of honour – and anyone else she feels she should. But then move on. It was a one-off, hopefully.

For years, my wife has never wanted to have sex. I tried all the turn-ons, from aphrodisiacs to alcohol to gifts. Nothing worked. She was just not interested.

So, I stopped trying to change her and started trying to change me. I worked out and became fit with a subjectively hot body. I changed my sleeping habits and got more hours of deep sleep which changed my attitude daily. And I changed my appearance, as in facial hair and a more modern haircut.

To my surprise, still nothing worked. I love my wife but I’m not sure what to do now. We’re friends and we laugh a lot, spend lots of time together and also enjoy our independence. How can I get her back into my bed?

Hot Hubby

Something about this scenario seems off. You’re married to a woman who you say you’re good friends with, with whom you spend lots of time and laugh, but she won’t have sex with you. You’ve changed your hair, your body and you’ve pulled out all the stops.

It’s important that you talk to your wife. Ask her – gently – what’s going on, and make sure you say how much you love her, and how important the emotional intimacy that comes from physical intimacy is to you. You two would definitely benefit from marriage counselling, but perhaps also a sex therapist could help.

FEEDBACK Regarding alcohol abuse (Dec. 9):

Reader – “Over the past few weeks, I’ve noticed several letters concerning how alcohol is affecting someone’s life. You often recommend counselling, which can be hard to access and costly. Al-Anon is free and a program that helps individuals manage their lives and not take responsibility for an alcoholic’s behaviour, drinking or otherwise.

“In the case of the wife having to leave a party because of the alcoholic’s behaviour, and then return, as well as clean him up after peeing himself, Al-Anon helps one learn to set boundaries allowing the alcoholic to deal with the consequences of their behaviour and not the spouse of the alcoholic.

“This time of year (holiday time), people need access to help immediately. There is usually an Al-Anon meeting every day in large city centres, listed online.”

A grateful Al-Anon member