My husband of two years and I can't seem to agree on a workable routine. He wants to spend three days a week out with his friends; I think two is more than enough unless something special comes up.

He IS compromising from being out every night, by limiting it now to three times weekly. But is this normal for a married man? His friends are all single and mine are not. None of my friends' mates are out as much or end up at the bar each time, because that's where his friends want to go.

He doesn't have a drinking problem, but I don't feel a married man should spend that much time at the bar. I'm afraid that his selfishness will leave me at home alone in tears.

And should I be worried that he still doesn't react or comfort me when I'm upset or crying? I feel it tells me that he doesn't care. Aside from that he is a great guy, and I know he loves me.

Worried

You can love a great guy, but can you live with a selfish one? That's the question you have to ask yourself, at least for now when he's still trying to live as if he's single.

His willingness to cut back on nights out is a good sign. I suspect that his lack of response to your crying and upset is that it's become what you do to get him to stay home. And it's partly due to the immaturity that holds him back from changing his socializing style from that of his unmarried buddies.

Try the "new routine" and see if you can be doing things you like too on his nights out and not minding his absence. If the compromise has you less upset, and him more responsive when you do cry, then you're on the right track.

But if you still find him selfish and clueless about what's appropriate now that he's married, then take a break. Four months apart should help both of you see if this is lasting love, or a bad match.

Is there a way to end long-term relationships in an honest but un-hurtful way? I'm 62, have thought long and hard about this for years.

Two are friends of 20 years.... with one, I just didn't return her calls when she was in town for a visit. One person is my brother who lives across the country and whom I haven't seen in 25 years. There's another longtime friend, and the mother of my daughter's partner of ten years. They both live in the same city as me.

The reason these relationships continued is I didn't want anyone to feel bad, and I haven't found a way to give an explanation to end them.

Finished

Be careful what you wish for. The friend you don't call back and your brother already know there's no real relationship there. By stamping the label "Over" you raise unnecessary questions. It won't bring closure - the fact you're thinking this much about them means you'll still be mulling over the past.

Clearly, the other friend and the mother have also disappointed/offended you. But in all these cases,

closure can only come from not caring any more.

Before you use any other cut-off methods, be careful you're not isolating yourself due to depression, anger issues, fatigue or illness. It'd be worthwhile to get a health check to make sure some underlying problem isn't prompting these feelings.

My brother's wife tried to hijack my father's funeral. I said final arrangements had to be decided only by my brother and me. (Obviously we'd have each heard input from our spouses).

She backed off but has hardly spoken to me since. That was six years ago and I don't know whether to let it be or try to discuss it. I have a decent relationship with my brother, mostly through phone calls and occasional lunches. Should I bother trying to get past this silent treatment? We're both early-50s.

No Communication

If the larger family can get together for important celebrations, then leave it alone. When and if you see her, be gracious - don't raise the funeral. She likely felt excluded then, and you can't undo that.

When you see your brother, inquire politely after her. Include her in your Christmas card and/or family invitations. Time may soften her reaction.