Recently my husband of 20 years and I went through a rough time. After arguing, he left the house. He returned later, refusing to talk about what happened.

I learned he'd sent a text message to a co-worker shortly after leaving. He says he just asked her what she was doing and denies that he met up with her.

He admitted he's sent her "one or two texts" previously, but never phoned her and never socialized with her after work.

He didn't admit that he was looking for comfort from her.

I have nagging doubts and concerns about this contact with a co-worker. I called her, and said I thought it inappropriate for her to be exchanging texts with a married man since she's single, especially since she already sees him everyday at work.

I feel that spells danger to my marriage... any marriage. Of course she didn't agree with me and my husband doesn't agree.

Your Thoughts?

Work on whatever caused the "rough time" in your marriage - that's the important issue here, so don't distract yourself with a text message, it's not the cause of your marital problems. But it may be an effect.

There's a line dividing "getting comfort" from a pal, and playing with fire. This line is between you and your husband, not you and her. She's not texting him without his permission and response.

Many co-workers become good friends and confidantes during the period they work together. But when it's a married man and a single woman, the danger signs should be as obvious to them as they are to you.

However, if this is totally innocent, your husband should've mentioned her, told you something about her. Since it appears he didn't, he's treading too close to the line. He may not have realized it, but that's the reality he has to face, and change, in order to reassure you there's nothing going on.

I have two teenage daughters, 16 and 18, but never married their father; we went our separate ways ten years ago. He doesn't pay child support but the girls still see him.

This summer one daughter, 16, didn't like that I grounded her for impersonating me on the phone to get her cell phone re-activated, so she went to live with him. She's since moved back home to finish high school. I suspect that while with her dad, she was into drinking. I've now overheard her telling someone she's going to ask him to buy her some for an upcoming party.

Who do I confront? Their dad's a verbally abusive alcoholic who says I'm "a bitch" to my daughter because I have rules in my home.

I've been happily married to someone else for six years and washed my hands of my ex now that my daughters can advocate for themselves. I don't want to tolerate his verbal abuse anymore.

What To Do?

Deal with your daughter. Confront her on the rules she breaks or that you "overhear," and explain you're concerned with her physical and legal safety (worries about binge drinking, underage drinkers getting caught, driving after drinking).

Ignore the "bitch" outburst from her dad. It's the way he communicates, badly, but you don't have to react. Even if he's foolish enough to buy the booze, explain to her the many pitfalls of her being the one to bring it to a party.

Show both daughters there are better ways to handle conflict, to be civil, and to maintain connections with their father.

I'm the youngest of four, and the favourite. My father died recently, I inherited a lot of money. I renovated my home and paid debt. Later, I realized the money wasn't specified in the will, but was a gift from my mom. My siblings got zilch. They needed money, too.

It's spent now and I'm unable to give my siblings any. But I feel very greedy. Mom's made me promise not to tell them. How can I get past the guilt?

Afterthoughts

Your story sounds hollow to me, as it will to your siblings. Wills are usually read right away, so it's very odd, that you didn't know this wasn't a legacy. Odd, too, that your "guilt" comes only after the money's spent.

Ask your mom to gift your siblings whatever she can. Mortgage your house with its lovely new reno and boost those gifts. Be generous from now on.