I’m 44, and met a man, 50, six months after he separated from his wife. That was three years ago. We moved together recently, and have a wonderful relationship of shared interests and equal trust that we’ve found our life partners.
However, his divorce process, which had nothing to do with meeting me, was extremely painful for everyone.
His ex-wife constantly attacked him verbally throughout their negotiations. She bad-mouthed him to their two children, and dragged things out, despite that he was agreeable to all her demands.
His adult daughters took their mother’s part and were nasty to him, alternately yelling at him and refusing to see him.
The dust had barely settled when he asked me to marry him. I love him dearly, and intend to be with him forever, but I fear further drama for him from his daughters.
I’m wondering what marriage can offer us that we don’t already have.
Love and trust are like precious gifts. Marriage is meant to be a commitment to preserve those gifts as fresh and valuable through time.
Many couples are happy and stay committed without marriage, so I’m not saying that it’s essential.
But the man you love wants this next phase together.
Don’t let fear and weariness from these past difficulties be what holds you back.
His daughters may behave just as badly either way. They shouldn’t decide your response to his proposal.
Agree to take some time, say a couple of months, for a calm period together. Then weigh how strongly he wants to marry against your reasons for hesitation.
Whatever you two decide, keep those “gifts” at the forefront of your life together.
I recently persuaded my parents to let me travel to Asia, on my own, to visit my cousin.
I still have weeks before my departure, but my parents are always nagging me to bring my medications, health card, and health history (I have a long history of health issues but I'm currently doing well).
They constantly remind me of these things, which I find annoying. I've already told them that I got it covered.
I know that they're playing the “concerned parent” role but I don't need their reminders. How should I tell them that I'm an adult and can take care of myself? I'm 22, and still live with my parents.
Parents with a child with health problems don’t “play a role” about their concerns. They worry, and have strong reasons for doing so, after years of looking after you, taking you to doctors, monitoring your treatments, etc.
Also, and I apply this broadly not just to you, adult children who live at home should consider all the benefits they take for granted.
Of course, parental caring can be overdone, but enjoying those benefits of home comfort means you’ve kept yourself in that position. To make major changes, you have to work towards independence, not expect them to stop caring when you’re under their roof.
Meanwhile, your parents have shown great trust by allowing you to travel so far on your own (and, forgive me if I’m wrong, possibly paying your air fare and other expenses as well).
Reassure them by showing them that your medications are ready to put in your purse on the day you leave – and with back-up amounts in your checked baggage. Then take care of yourself on your trip so they see that their trust was deserved.
I work closely with two co-workers who regularly smoke outside. I have asthma, allergies, and recent inflammation in my lungs, requiring puffers.
Smoke fumes affect me when these people return inside. I politely asked that they keep some distance until the fumes dissipate. Both agreed.
But one co-worker has stopped. She comes next to me to discuss work and also hangs her coat on top of mine.
I'm very sensitive to the smell and it's starting to hurt. I've politely mentioned it twice and moved my coat hook where she went looking for it.
How do I deal with this now?
Keep a fan on, or near, your desk. Have it running when she approaches you after smoking, and point to it, asking her to come back later.
Also, get a doctor’s letter saying you cannot tolerate second-hand smoke fumes close by your person, or your clothing, and show it to her.
Tip of the day:
When one of two committed partners wants to marry, the other should consider it fairly and rationally, not based on fear.