My husband and I met while travelling abroad in our 20s. We had both taken a break from our studies and internships before we “settled down” to adult life. We felt an immediate connection, seemed compatible in so many ways, and started dating.

After our travels, during which we didn’t stay together the entire time as we had set itineraries with separate friends, we each went home to our own countries. We talked constantly and put off our search for work to focus on each other. That meant he came to visit me in my home country, and I went to visit him in his – on separate continents.

We agreed to do some continuing education in my country, to have the chance to live together and learn more about each other. That went well, so we looked for work in his home country to see if we could make it work anywhere.

Success all around! We’re now married and each working in our field of interest. But therein lies the issue: He’s not interested in my field and I’m not interested in his. We can’t really talk about work with each other.

At the end of our long workdays, we want to share, but we both know the other is uninterested. What do we do?

Not compatible

You don’t have to be interested in every detail of your husband’s career – and vice versa – to still discuss your workday. A dentist doesn’t come home and discuss every tooth she’s extracted, just as an interior designer doesn’t come home and discuss every couch and bathroom tile they chose for their clients.

It’s about hearing how the other person’s day went, how they felt, if anything out of the ordinary happened, if THEY had a good day doing what THEY love to do.

Change how you discuss your days - that is, it’s not about the details, and you can still show interest in each other. You’ve made this relationship work across continents; surely, you can figure out how to communicate respectfully.

My daughter was kicked out of camp this summer for being in a boys’ cabin with a group of her friends after hours. The other girls were given a warning, but my daughter hid behind a hanging laundry bag and a bathrobe, so wasn’t caught along with the others. They then went back to the cabin, but my daughter was frozen with fear. She waited it out and then ran to the other girls’ cabin and tried to pretend she had fallen asleep there by accident.

The directors didn’t like her attempt to cover up and sent her packing. It was only about 10 days early, so my wife and I weren’t hysterical over the wasted money. And we agreed that she would work and pay off the days she missed. But she’s been in her room, devastated, and we’re worried about her.

We don’t disagree with the camp; they have rules in place to protect their campers. Yes, every kid at a certain age goes cabin-hopping after hours, which is why the camp doesn’t kick out every kid. But she had them worried sick, searching everywhere for her, and none of her friends knew where she was because they thought she had been caught with them.

How do we help her?

Camp catastrophe

I suggest calling the directors and asking them to speak with her. If they can clarify their reasons why, for her benefit, and hopefully try to make light of the situation now that she’s safe. That’s the key here: her safety.

Invite her cabinmates to come over after they get home (and their parents have squeezed them) and have a sleepover. She just needs to feel that they haven’t abandoned her.

FEEDBACK Regarding the boy who wanted to stay home (May 27):

Reader – “There is quite possibly a hidden cause to be more purposefully explored for their son's change in behaviour. For our son, it took a while of staying tuned in for clues as they emerged, and some gentle reassurances for our son to open up. The issue was bullying that was happening in the school yard. In our case, advising the teacher took care of the problem. She brought the bully and his parents in for a consult and the bullying stopped.

“Bullying is a serious issue that can leave lifelong scars if not detected and dealt with early. Bullying does not necessarily follow a schedule or happen in the schoolyard anymore, thanks to social media, so looking for patterns in timing alone might not bring such situations to light.”

Lisi – Thanks for the reminder about cyber bullying.