I have a golf partner whom I adore. She’s quite a bit older than I, but we have incredible conversations about life, love, marriage, parenting, etc. She’s exceptionally bright and interesting. She’s gorgeous and very elegant, even in her golf attire. About once a week, we meet our husbands at the club for lunch or dinner, depending on what time we tee off.

Her husband is a lovely man, also very interesting, very accomplished and very successful. However, he talks with his mouth full of food! As a result, he spits, which he then apologizes for, but continues speaking before finishing to chew and swallow. It’s revolting.

The first few times we ate together, I didn’t notice. But once my husband pointed it out, I can’t stop noticing and I’m disgusted by his terrible table manners. My friend will sometimes notice and say something to him, but it’s quite embarrassing.

I don’t want to stop spending time with these people, but I just can’t share a meal with this man anymore. I don’t understand how such an intellectual human can be so beastly when food is around. Can I talk to my friend about this?

Mr. No Manners

You could start by changing up the times of your get-togethers, so instead of a meal, you could meet for cocktails, or a walk, or take in a show. If that becomes too tricky to maintain, and if your friend inquires as to why you aren’t meeting for meals anymore, you could tell her. Obviously, I would be kind about it. You could say that it’s your problem, not his; that you have a very sensitive gag reflex, and the slightest thing can throw you off. That you’re concerned you’ll gag during the meal.

Then, if she takes the bait, she could speak to her husband from the standpoint of making you less uncomfortable. As opposed to telling him he’s ghastly to share a meal with.

In situations like these, all you can do is try to make a change.

There is a teacher at my daughter’s school who just rubs me the wrong way. I don’t mean literally. She’s never touched me. I just find her back is up before I’ve even said hello. I saw her at an event where her daughter was also participating and went over to congratulate her. Before I could say anything, she said, “Now I know why your daughter is always late to my class.”

Her comments always catch me off guard and then I forget what I was going to say, and I stand there foolishly. I’m not sure if this woman simply doesn’t like me, or my child, or both. She certainly isn’t interested in being friendly.

It started at our Parent-Teacher interviews in the fall, when before I could ask a single question, she was giving me negative feedback about my daughter, who loves the class and has a 95 per cent average! What’s up with this woman?

Odd Duck

To answer your question bluntly, who knows?!? What’s important is to teach your daughter how to deal with her, calmly and respectfully. Unfortunately, sometimes in life we will have to work for, with or have a teacher who just doesn’t like us. And there’s nothing we can do to change their minds, nor should we die trying. It’s unfair when it’s a teacher because the imbalance of power gives them an unfair advantage.

If your daughter can just do her work, continue getting the great grades she’s getting, she just has to tough it out to the end of the school year. If it becomes unbearable, you may need to speak to the Dean or Principal.

FEEDBACK Regarding eating disorders (Feb. 5):

Reader – “Our family is very familiar with eating disorders; my daughter was diagnosed with bulimia and anorexia when she was in grade eight. I struggled with food since a young child, from an immigrant family, who grew up very poor; I always remember being hungry.

“After my arranged marriage at 17, I secretly ate out of unhappiness and loneliness. As an adult, a traumatic escape from this marriage and survival. My second husband had a brain stem stroke at 55, I couldn’t cope, so I stopped eating.

“I go to sleep thinking about food and wake up thinking about it. My brain is filled with this noise. I’m in my 70s, a mother of three with seven grandchildren and I can’t stop. It’s an ingrained part of who I am. Childhood and adult traumas are layered in my brain. I’ve been through therapy but in stressful situations my fallback position is to withhold food.”