I'm divorced, no kids, my girlfriend of four years is also divorced with two teenage sons. I'm not ready to commit to living together, though we have good times together, a good sex life, and her sons are nice young men.

My girlfriend works, but I'm hesitant about the financial obligations and emotional commitment of living together or getting married. Her sons would still be living with us, and she has other baggage, too. When we break up (which I sometimes cause), I feel a weight lifted despite some sadness at missing her.

She demands a lot of attention, and gets moody when I don't sacrifice my own interests for her. I want something more mutual and equal in a relationship. I don't want to support her financially, or have it cost me financially if we separate. I like my independence and freedom, yet sometimes think I'd also like a family, then am unsure.

I make more money and have more savings. She wants a house, but I don't want a big mortgage.
I'm faced with either accepting her family as my own, or deciding to leave her and find a younger woman.
I need space from her. She can be possessive and suffocating, and we fight over my time, which she wants more of.

I've told her all my misgivings, but she still wants to keep seeing me. I feel the pressure though, as she gets unhappy and we fight about the commitment level of the relationship.

Divided

You're stalling. And, you're creating some of the divide between you.

Your resistance to financial and emotional commitments only triggers her greater neediness. Dangling of break-ups and reunions is both unkind and unhelpful. It doesn't make things any clearer to either of you, but her feelings for you must be powerful because she hangs in.

Your feelings, however, seem pretty self-serving and you get away with making no decision. Until one day she might wake up and leave you. Be pro-active. Go away somewhere and think about what she really brings to your life, minus the insecurity you've caused.

If it's meaningful connection, honest caring, and unselfish love, commit to living together for six months without making big purchases (new house). Ask for a pre-nup if money remains your big hang-up. Then, if you've made a choice you can't live with, do her a favour and set her free.

I'm in Grade 12. A guy-friend and I liked each other last year but we never spoke about it. He started dating another girl and we drifted. We stopped talking and ignored each other completely. They broke up this summer and he started talking to me again. He admits he always liked me and apologized for ignoring me.

We started up our friendship again. We agree that we both have unresolved feelings for each other. I feel very close to him.
However, I see him and another girl getting close but he said he wasn't attracted to her like that. Then, during lunch, I look under the table to see his hand on her leg. It made me furious, and hurt. What do I do? I don't want to lose him.

Sad and Angry

Ask him why you two haven't done anything about your "unresolved" feelings.... is it because they're deep and you're still both afraid?

If yes, suggest you both take a chance. But if his answer is No, then decide whether it's possible to remain friends if he's got another girlfriend.

What are the gift expectations of the new father's parents, and the new mother's parents, regarding a baby shower? How much should be spent and what's a typical gift?

Would buying your son/daughter a stroller or a breast pump, which are expensive, be an appropriate choice, since we're retired with our house paid off and in a comfortable situation?

If the parents of the girl spend $300 would we be expected to spend around the same amount?

Curious

You don't have to match anyone else's gift. It depends on what you can comfortably afford, but you also don't want to demean the other grandparents' gift (if you think that could happen).

Most new grandparents who are comfortable financially do buy a substantial present such as a stroller. However, you might consider giving a joint gift with her parents, if you feel the stroller on your own is too showy. Ask your son his thoughts.