It’s a milestone year for me this year and I’m feeling extremely anxious about how to handle it. I don’t have the money to throw myself a big party, and I’m also not in a party mood. But I do want to celebrate, have a good day and night, and start this New Year off on the right foot.
Do you have any advice for me? I feel stuck in my indecisiveness and anxiety.
Birthday Girl
You’ve come to the right place! I absolutely love celebrating (anything and everything, but especially birthdays) and I also have a thing about starting a new chapter. You don’t have to spend money or be in a party mood to celebrate yourself.
First, make sure to surround yourself with people who love you. If you have family, some good friends, a partner – send them all a group email with some easy, refreshing ideas for how you would like to spend your day. That might include an early morning dog walk, a leisurely breakfast, a visit with an elderly family member, an afternoon matinee, happy hour, etc., etc.
And spend some time alone, reflecting on your last year, and/or decade, thinking about how and where you would like to make some change. Use the day to focus on yourself.
However, if you find yourself going down a negative rabbit hole, change your environment and get together with someone to raise your spirits. Focus on the positives; it’s better for your mindset and your anxiety.
Whatever you do, have a happy birthday!
My children are spending the first week of the winter holiday with my ex, his girlfriend and her two kids. I don’t mind her; she’s good for him. And I appreciate that he paired up with someone in his age bracket, also divorced-with-children, and navigating the schedule headache of sharing. She’s actually very helpful in that area, and I rarely have to worry about conflict or difficult resolution.
The problem is that her kids are a bit off. They’re very whiny, very spoiled, and as she’s so concerned with their emotional well-being, she gives them a lot of independence and power. More than is age appropriate, in my opinion.
What happens when my kids sleep over at their dad’s and her kids are also there, is that my kids come home and try all the moves on me. And it just does NOT fly!
It takes me twice as many days as they were gone to reshape them into the children I had before they left. But I don’t have that luxury this time, as I’m picking them up from their dad’s and taking them on vacation with me. Somewhere warm, fun, and not cheap. I don’t want to spend the whole time fighting with them and being embarrassed by their ugly behaviour.
How do I flip them back to who they really are quicker so we can all enjoy our vacation?
Mommy Madness
Since you know what to expect, you can pre-empt the situation by discussing it with both your children and their dad. Depending on the age of the children, and the way you broach the topic with your ex, you could have a very successful outcome.
Be careful because you don’t want your ex to hear criticism of his new girlfriend. That could work against you. However, you might be surprised to hear he feels the same way, which is likely since he helped you raise your children.
When you get the kids back, remind them that how they behave with you is different than with dad, but here’s what you will and won’t tolerate. Tell them you’ll give them 24 hours to transition, and then it’s back to your “normal.”
FEEDBACK Regarding the woman done with dancing (Oct. 16 and Nov. 14):
Reader – “I appreciated your response to the writer who was critical of your answer to the woman done with dancing. I’m a professional musician, late 60s who is also beginning to feel that my life’s work is starting to fade. My fingers aren’t as nimble as they used to be even though I practice diligently every day. My voice is starting to falter and so on. It’s tough for sure.
“Some days are difficult if not depressing. I think that when we reach a certain age as a performer, we realize that the curtain has been going down ever so slowly from the beginning…. but not completely.
“I will never stop playing or singing. It’s who I am. I hope she can embrace her fading skill as part of the journey and find new ways to creatively participate and express herself.”