I don’t know why, but I am desperate to find a girlfriend. I had a massive crush on a young woman in the spring, but it was unreciprocated. I tried so hard to become close with her, and succeeded, but we’re just friends. I think she knew I had a crush on her, but we have never discussed it.
Over the summer I met a very cute girl, and we hung out a lot. I liked her and had fun with her, but there was very little chemistry between us. We fooled around a bit, but mainly when we were out drinking with our group of friends. She goes to school in another province and we’ve already said our goodbyes.
I started my new fall job and just met the most incredible woman! I think it’s love at first sight. The only problem is that she has a boyfriend! What am I doing wrong?
Looking for Love
Your sign-off says it all – you’re looking for love when you should be letting love find you. I don’t mean that you sit in your house all day and hope Miss Perfect just knocks on your door. The chances of that happening are slim to none. What I mean is, just live your life and be yourself.
The best thing you can do with this woman you’ve just met is nothing at all. If she wants to be friends, she’ll make that known. If you press friendship, you look like the guy trying to snake in on her boyfriend and that won’t bode well for you with him, her, or anyone else who hears about it.
Keep busy with your existing friends, your new job and anything else you have going on in your life. Love will find you when the time is right with the right person.
For the past two months, there has been a construction worker on the job at my office building. I see him every morning, and we smile and say hello. One rainy lunch, I felt bad for him in the rain, so I brought him a coffee. Nothing fancy, just a Tim Hortons. He was very appreciative.
Since then, I often sit outside and chat with him while I eat my lunch. Sometimes I share with him, not always. We mainly laugh, never talking about anything serious. One day, I walked by quickly without making eye contact because I was very upset. I had received some sad medical news about my dad and needed fresh air. He ran after me, calling out to me. When I turned, he just grabbed me into a big bear hug, and I cried on his shoulder.
But now I feel awkward because I have no idea if he’s married, single, someone I want to get to know better, or just if he was in the right place at the right time. What do I do?
Unsuited Suitor
If you think you may have some chemistry with this person, and you have found him enjoyable to chat with, you could ask him on a date. And you could pre-empt by asking if he’s in a relationship. If he says he’s free, and interested, then suggest an afternoon after work walk and a non-alcoholic drink.
Since you know NOTHING about this person, you still need to be very public and careful. Go slow and get to know each other. Trust that he’s being honest and up front, but don’t be naïve. People lie and people cheat. Have a work colleague walk by and join you for a bit. Get their opinion.
It’s not about what either of you do for a living, but he’s basically a stranger with zero connection to you. Be smart and safe.
FEEDBACK Regarding the dental hygienist unable to handle bad breath (June 18):
Reader – “At my dentist's office the first step before the dental hygienists starts is for the client to swirl an already prepared small paper container of mouthwash for 30 seconds.
“I would think that most thoughtful clients brush their teeth, or chew some gum, or use a Listerine breath strip, but if the pre-treatment mouthwash swirl were standard practice, no one would feel persecuted by the request.”
Reader #2 – “My hygienist routinely offers all patients small cups of mouthwash. I always thought it was to prepare my mouth for the cleaning. And I guess it solves the bad breath problem as well.”
Reader #3 – “The hygienist could apply peppermint, clove, or lavender essential oils to the inside of her mask to reduce bad odour. VapoRub is another alternative, just not inside the nostrils.”