My long-distance girlfriend of eight months recently said she lost all feeling. She cannot tell if she's in love with me, or if she even wants this relationship to continue.

We're still together, but our relationship's fragile and I feel anxious, uneasy, and afraid. It's so sudden; she's always previously assured me she loves me without doubts and wants what I want in a relationship.

I know she's still in love with me and me with her, I know we'll get through this.... I just don't want to set myself up for hurt and false hope. What should I do, what can I expect, and how can I make this relationship survive? And how can I stop feeling hurt?

In Limbo

Do not think you know what she really means, especially at a distance. She's opened a conversation, now join into it.

If at all possible, visit her in person at the soonest opportunity, and let her know ahead that you'll be doing so. Her reaction will be your first big clue as to what's going on.

It could be simple, e.g. she's tired of the time between contact and needs reassurance it's all worth the waiting.

Or it could be something else. You two may need to have a break in the relationship before you both are certain about getting together again.

Meanwhile, instead of concentrating on your hurt feelings, get pro-active, stop guessing and surmising, and find out what your next step should be.

I'm in my 20's, dating this guy for a while. We told our parents, which, in our culture, is a big deal. Except now, I'm getting antsy.

I've basically committed myself to this guy for life. And I love his personality. He's loving and charming. However, I always feel like I'm a little more accomplished than him. I've had great jobs and have a lot of savings, while he's just getting started. He's still a student, so though he's not in debt, he's definitely not financially stable.

Also, I have several talents and hobbies and he doesn't have anything. And frankly, I don't think I find him as attractive as I should. He's just average - in looks, qualifications, everything.

The only thing he has going for him is an above average personality. Maybe it's the "wedding" that seems to be looming for my parents, but it worries me that I'll be busy with my hobbies and he'll never know what that feels like. I worry that I'll move up the corporate ladder and he'll be stuck behind.

Recently, he got a job in a city five hours' drive from mine. I trust him to be faithful, but he'll be far!

He's someone who'll surprise you at work with flowers, get you the most thoughtful gifts, but this will change when he moves. I worry that when I want to be a mother, I won't get the support I need.

He loves me with all his heart and he'll do anything for me. I love him too, but I don't feel that same devotion. Is there such a thing as "pre-engagement-uncertain" jitters?

Jittery

If this isn't "jitters," then do this guy a favour and set him free! Your put-downs about Mr. Average are insulting and make you sound the worst possible mate for him, so I'm hoping you're in pre-engagement panic, beyond just nervous.

He's devoted, but won't be supportive when you have a child? You're seeking a way out. Don't go forward till you decide if you're In.

I don't get the fuss made by divorced women not wanting to change their married name for that of the next spouse, "for the children's sake."

The kids know their parents are no longer together, and surely understand that a new family's being created when their mom remarries.

So why does it matter if the parent's name differs from the child? When the child gets married their name will change, too.

When you remarry you bring enough baggage with you from your previous relationship, especially if you have kids. Why can't people see things from their spouse's point of view that they don't need another reminder that someone came before them?

My View

It's the divorce that affects many kids, and some mothers fear taking their next husband's name can make the situation even harder for those children to accept.

Most important, it's a personal decision.