I'm 34, married eight years to a good, hard-working man. I also earn well, we lead a good life, with two kids. We're both British, educated, and previously had "friendly" battles of wits.

But, when I obtained a post-graduate degree with distinction, he then pursued the same degree and also obtained a distinction.

He later admitted his sole motivation was competition with me. Then, I wanted to be his equal in earnings and sought a better job. In return, he started working overtime so that he could earn more.

Though we're both good parents and share household duties, I've realized that we've been having less time together, less sex, and laughing less. Arguments are endless. We don't stop for days, until there's seemingly a winner.

I think I'll end our marriage, and fear we won't divorce amicably. The battling is ruining us both psychologically. I know that as long as he doesn't stop, I'm not likely to stop either. What can we do about this??

Battle of Britain

Get a grip! You've acknowledged that this competition has become a fight-to-the-death scenario worthy of the Hollywood film "Mr. and Mrs. Smith." But you haven't recognized the damage you're doing to your children and yourselves.

Don't think that a next relationship will end up differently. It's YOU that has to change, and maybe he will too.

Step back, not because you're the female, but because you've found a glimmer of sanity that says this is all wrong in any relationship, and a negative role model for children.

Don't rise to bait. I'm betting many of these "fights" have no substance other than competition. Clear the home environment of some tension.

Then get to counselling, separately. You're not ready for seeking a couples' solution until you've learned to control your own insecurities and overbearing pride. You'll need this, even if the marriage ends.

I left my common-law relationship with a charming con artist, three years ago. I'd worshipped him, but the relationship became physically and emotionally abusive. He lied, cheated numerous times, abused alcohol and drugs, rarely worked, and drained my bank account.

I became isolated from my family and friends.

I finally got some backbone, booted him out, and moved to another community. He sued me for a share of my house sale and my remaining savings. I won, after a two-year battle.

I had therapy to deal with my co-dependency and the crushing sadness, and reconnected with my family.

But, in my 50s, I'm unable to move forward and constantly re-live the past. I'm not interested in any social life. I have a great job but live like a hermit. My few close friends aren't nearby. How do I move forward?

Stuck

You think you're grieving HIM, but really mourning the loss of YOU. It keeps you "stuck" because you don't confront the real problem: You got conned, you lost self-confidence, and got left with fears. Being middle-aged has you thinking it's impossible to start again. But you're wrong.

You DO have backbone, tenacity, smarts, and competence. You just haven't used them much socially for a while.

So get going. Visit those friends even if they're distant; invite them to visit you and re-build closer contact. Broaden your network - use your job for social outreach, your community, neighbourhood, family, volunteering, and pursue new interests.

Dating should not be your first social venture.... you may be vulnerable to the "charming" types, until you regain a strong self-image and clarity about what you want in your life.

I'm a male, 34, whose two best guy friends recently sold their start-up business very successfully. They're dating much younger women, and thinking they're pretty "hot" themselves.

When we get together, they boast about their investments, their "chicks," and how often they score. Meanwhile, I work long hours for medium pay, have a pregnant wife and toddler twins at home.

How can I stop their constant bragging without sounding like a jealous loser?

Annoyed

Try humour, as in, "Okay guys, you're both stars. Now can we discuss the game we're watching (or the current political situation, climate change, whatever)?"

If they don't get it, they've become successfully insensitive, too. Your friendship will lessen unless you find a comfortable point of re-entry, e.g., when they settle into real relationships like yours.

Maybe then they can help a close friend find a better job - if you can still stand their self-importance.