My husband and I have been separated for over a year. We’re both in new relationships and intend to divorce. I was the one to leave. We have two young children and share custody.
The separation was incredibly bitter. We need to keep contact regularly regarding the kid's activities and schedules. However, he continues to insult and demean me in almost all of our communications, often quite subtly.

I find it hurtful and stressful to deal with. I do not engage, and rarely respond to his insults, and try to only address the issues relating to the kids.

Though I’m careful never to talk negatively to them about their dad, they know we’re not “friendly,” and I fear they’ll be harmed by the underlying tension.
It sometimes feels like my ex is doing this just to stay connected with me, but I don’t understand why.

He says he’s very happy in his new relationship for which I’ve expressed support. He’s a dedicated father (much better since the separation) for which I’m grateful, but his rage towards me hasn’t lessened.

How do I handle my ex? Will his anger towards me for leaving ever go away?
Troubled

Be realistic, it’s unlikely he’ll ever completely forgive you for leaving. To him, it was a public rejection which altered his comfort, finances, and lifestyle, against his will, and before he discovered that he’d go on to a happy new relationship.

So his negativity is a reality you need to continue to handle… though it might lessen over many years when the children are more independent, and you need to discuss less.

For now, you’re still in the throes of divorce and every aspect of that is a reminder to him that you called that shot.

Stay on the high road by not engaging with his insults, dealing only with the children’s issues, and not badmouthing him to the kids or within their earshot.

If his verbal abuse gets worse, and especially if he conveys this attitude to your kids, then have your lawyer recommend joint counselling regarding the needed discussions about children. Since he’s a devoted father, this approach may be accepted, especially coming from a third party.

If it becomes too hostile or demeaning a situation, see a counselor yourself. For the kids’ sake, suggest you go to a mediator over any seriously contentious differences.

My wife and I are newlyweds, married one year. We’re generally happy but wanted to work on our communication.
Is there any difference in terms of quality of counselling with a social worker vs. a psychologist vs. a psychotherapist?
I've seen a huge range of prices from $100-$300 per hour. Are the $100 therapists worth the money?
Newlywed Nerves

Good for you (both, I hope) for wanting to deal with any communication difficulties at this early stage.

There are differences in style and approach in the various kinds of counselling professionals, but these are easy to discover. You can call their professional associations and ask for definition of social work counselling, say, and you can then call the practitioner and ask some pertinent questions.

Examples: Do you practice short-term or long-term therapy, is it emotion-based (a specific approach), do you see the people individually too or only as a couple?

Some higher fees have to do with length of professional experience, yet that person may use a short-term approach, while a cheaper fee may come with a longer commitment.

Recommendations from friends or your family doctor may also help you choose.

FEEDBACK Regarding elderly parents who bring others’ junk home and also give it to their children (June 30):

Reader #1 – “There’s a health issue - the parents may bring bedbugs into their home. Bedbugs are rampant in many cities and areas.

“The scavenged items can carry the little hitchhikers and they're extremely difficult to detect and eradicate.

“The son should speak to the parents about their scavenging on this basis, their health and welfare. Perhaps the son and daughter-in-law could also find them activities in their area. They sound bored as well as being potential hoarders.”

Reader #2 – “Perhaps they’re remembering the days when things that were "perfectly good" shouldn’t be thrown out, in case they’re later needed.

“The DIL could collect these “treasures” for a local rummage sale or other fundraiser. They can then be donated and the elderly in-laws can feel proud of helping a good cause.”