Years ago, my boyfriend (later husband) wanted me to have sex with other men and women, and then tell him about it.

This went on for four years, and I was a wreck. To add to my shame, I got back at him by going out with other men and NOT telling him, or staying out later than I was "supposed to.” He’d lock the door and refuse to let me in.

I finally realized how unhappy I was, and asked why he treated me this way. For perhaps the only time, he was truthful, "I wanted to bring you down to my level."

It was finally clear that all of this was a cover for HIS lack of sexual confidence, HIS problems.

We divorced, and I’m thankful that we had no children together.

I had another horrible relationship, then met, and fell in love with the man I’m married to now for 26 years. He’s a great person, loving, supportive and NORMAL! We have two great children.

Foolish Past

Your story is instructive to all those women and men alike who’d let someone convince them to demean themselves, against their own instincts, in order to maintain the relationship.

Inevitably, that union’s already doomed, because the person calling the shots will demand more and more “proof” of devotion.

Hopefully, your experience, and the turnaround in your life, serves as a warning: When something feels all wrong, it’s far better to summon the strength to say NO, rather than the willingness to please.

A school-end party for 14-year-olds took place 15 miles from my friend’s home. The homeowners knew about the party and that there’d be alcohol. My friend’s son asked her to buy him liquor, so she supplied him with some rum from her own supply.

After several family members and me chastised her for this, she “sort of” agreed that it was wrong. But she still felt like she'd "helped" him out by doing so.

She also agreed that it was hypocritical of her to give him the liquor, then say he had to be so careful because if the cops got called he could get charged with underage drinking, and if there were any major problems the parents could get into trouble, etc.

He spent the night at this party and slept in a tent with two girls. She reacted to that news by saying she bought him condoms!

I want to explain to her all the reasons why her actions are wrong, without seemingly criticizing her parenting. She’s very sensitive about that and gets defensive, since she's made a few mistakes in the past, and doesn't get much support from the dad, who’s away a lot for work.

She wants to be her kid’s friend.

My biggest fear is that he may come to some harm or danger as a result of drinking, which she contributed to, by supplying the alcohol.

Concerned Friend

In some jurisdictions, SHE could be charged with providing alcohol to a minor. Tell her. Also, how much you care about her, and her son. With little support, her stories are a covert cry for direction.

Do research together online about the horrific results when underage drinkers get into accidents because their judgment’s impaired, or because someone else who’s been drinking offers a lift.

Discuss her son’s lack of maturity i.e. a condom doesn’t provide emotional readiness for sex, or respect for someone’s early attempts.

Say that YOU are her friend. Her son is her responsibility.

FEEDBACK Regarding the older child being seen as the “favoured” one:

Reader – “It’s very difficult to be the youngest child when families react this way. The oldest child has already had the best of everything - devoted parent time before the birth of other siblings, first in line for new clothing, etc.

“I’m the youngest child of three, my sister being the oldest, then a brother, then me…. all born a total of 38 months apart.

“I knew from a very young age that I was not special, or better, or even an equal to my sister and have lived with that for 48 years. I was walking by eight months and changing my own diaper before I was one year old.

“I’ve always had to look after myself, yet my sister was the coddled child who didn’t leave home until marrying and then moved into a house around the corner from my parents.”