As a faithful wife who just discovered through bank statements that my husband of 29 years has been cheating for many years, and spending a fortune on women getting us into massive debt, I say that people who lure spouses away from their wives or husbands, and partners that cheat, cause intense pain and suffering for both their spouses and their children.

I wish someone had told me the skunk was cheating. I had a right to know. I’ve been exposed to sexually transmitted diseases without my knowledge.

If children know their parent is cheating they should tell the other parent, especially adult children.

My son promised he’d tell me if his dad was cheating, as his dad had left me but kept promising that he was working on getting back together. Instead, he was living with another woman. My son knew that and didn't tell me.

When married, my husband would have sex in hotel rooms with this woman and then come home to me. If I’d known this I would’ve divorced him and saved myself a fortune in legal fees trying to save my marriage.

Furious

Your anger is understandable, but your son was in an uncomfortable position. Disloyalty to either parent is a terrible choice, and he shouldn’t have promised it.

You already suspected that your husband was cheating but didn’t want to know until it was impossible to ignore.

Yes, he’s a skunk and you’re better off now without him lying and deceiving you. Some of your anger is at yourself for hanging in so long, but it’s time to forgive yourself for that - you were trying to save a marriage for everyone’s sake.

Get tested for STD’s, get counselling, and get on with your life, which can still bring you happiness.

I’m the mother of an honours student who’s starting Grade 11. She’s experiencing extreme anxiety (and passing it on to me!) because she has no idea what career path she wants to take and whether to go to university or college (no pressure from me either way).

I spoke with her school guidance counsellor for referral to a career counsellor, but he said he couldn’t help us, and also gave my daughter no guidance.

I also experienced extreme anxiety in this regard in high school, and also suffered from depression as a result – I don’t want my daughter going through the same thing.

Very Worried

Do not link your daughter’s anxieties to those you experienced… it’s a different time, and she’s not you. Otherwise, you’re increasing your own fears and creating a double impact of stress for her.

There are far more choices today, and many people her age feel overwhelmed about selecting just one.

Talk about her interests, skills, and talents to get her focusing. Look at some practical realities – e.g. how much she likes school and challenges (though this can change with less stress).

There are educational consultants listed in Yellow Pages and through Google locally. “Career” is a long-range goal, whereas educational guidance may be more helpful at this still-early time.

An experienced professional should describe several appropriate paths available to her, and will advise whether college or university is the better beginning.

Many people narrow their field of choice much later on, or even switch choices. The important thing now is for her to have less stress about a final goal, and more comfort with knowing she’s starting a course that interests her and that she can handle once she applies herself without anxieties overshadowing her.

I’m 11 and all my friends have boyfriends. My parents told me it was okay to date but I’m having trouble.
Lonely in Seoul

The best thing to not be lonely at 11 is to have friends, not boyfriends. They can be boys or girls, but they must be people with whom you feel comfortable and trust.

Dating too young isn’t always comfortable because you or the boy think that you have to act differently, as if you’re grown-ups in love. It makes things more complicated and less fun.

I’ll bet your parents said it was okay because they trust you to do what’s best for you.

I also bet that you’re smarter than some of your friends, because you looked for advice.

This is the time to feel free to be YOU, and enjoy what you like doing best, and not follow others who just copy each other.