My very good friend is going through a rough time with her boyfriend. They’ve just come back from a week’s vacation where she thought he was going to ask her to marry him. Instead, he’s told her that he doesn’t think the relationship is working and he wants to take a break.

She is crushed, devastated, beside herself with grief, shock and anger all rolled into one. She has come home and locked herself in her house, allowing no one in. I only found out because we had lunch plans the day after their return. She was sure we would be drinking mimosas and celebrating.

She wasn’t answering her phone, so I just went over to pick her up. I figured she forgot to charge her phone or whatever. When she didn’t come to the door, and she still wasn’t picking up, I called her boyfriend. He told me what had happened.

He came straight over with his key, opened the house, and together we found her crying in her shower. It was heartbreaking. He picked her up, dried her off, put her sweatpants on, and got her into bed. He gave me the key before he left. I cancelled our reservation, borrowed her sweats and called UberEATS.

We talked the whole day away, and she cried during most of it. She passed out and I decided to cancel my evening plans and stay with her. I left the next day because I had to go to work, and I know she called in sick to work for at least two days claiming something gastro picked up on her trip.

I believe she’s gone in to work, but she’s an absolute mess and I don’t want her to lose her job over this. How can I help this person get out of her rut enough to hold it together, not lose her job, and not expire from grief?

Curveball

I am so sorry for your friend! That is a deep hurt she is nursing, ESPECIALLY because what she thought was going to transpire was so opposite from what took place. Meaning, she fell from a higher point than if he had simply broken up with her on a Tuesday afternoon.

You’re a good friend for staying with her that day and night. You did the right thing, and I am certain that she will appreciate it, if not right now, later.

Unfortunately, you are correct, that she needs to stop the all-encompassing mourning and start the process of getting on. It would be devastating if she lost her job as a result of this heartbreak. Give her a pep talk, invite her everywhere and anywhere, make sure she’s going to work, and keep the key until you feel she’s past the critical point.

My sister has a dog that is so poorly trained and ill-behaved that I can’t bear to be in its presence even though I love dogs! I love my sister but not her dog. How do I navigate this?

Doghouse

Have you suggested to your sister that her dog would benefit from training? Maybe you could do the research for her; offer to go together; gift her a private session with a trainer, etc.

She’ll see that you care about the dog (you want it to be better trained) and you care about the relationship with her, because you want to spend time with her. Hopefully she will take you up on all your offers, get the dog some good training and you two will be able to hang out freely once more.

FEEDBACK Regarding public shaming (May 10):

Reader – “There is a reason for the growing trend of people signing off from social media permanently: toxicity. I use it very limitedly, and when I see something toxic, I block and delete.

“There is a fine line between toxicity and harassment, the latter being an actionable legal offence. The very fact that the reader felt the need to send in this letter tells me that a line has been crossed. I say, cease and desist.”

Reader #2 – “I could have been the reader asking for advice on a family member who posts negative comments on Facebook. My situation is so similar, as we have a family member who also uses this group-sharing platform to post nasty and very hurtful comments.

“I’m almost tempted to send your advice to my own offending family member. At times it’s reassuring to know that other families are having similar experiences.”