I’m 32, dating a 45-year-old man whom I knew for six weeks before being in a relationship with him for two weeks.
He showed intense feelings/affection to me, looked after me, called me “beauty,” “angel,” “sunshine,” and said this was his first time in love.
We were having an excellent phone conversation last week when he asked me the same question twice, though I’d provided the information which was a five-seconds statement.
He knew about it the previous day. I just said that I’d mentioned it in my text and even in the opening conversation. “How come you forgot?”
I was sweet and neutral, not scornful, and asked simply that people say, “Do you have a good memory?”
When I asked him the repeated question earlier after a while, he said he remembered we covered it.
I apologized profusely for the error. But after saying how much he loved me and fancied me 24/7, he said we’re not a good fit for each other and that was his last straw. I lost a great supportive guy.
Two weeks is a very short “relationship” time, but long enough during a rush of early dating excitement to start to show gaps in your understanding of each other, and missteps in your ways of communicating because of those gaps.
I find your email, printed here as you sent it, somewhat confusing. Your answer to him sounded impatient, as if his not remembering was a purposeful act.
I’m sure you didn’t mean it to sound that way, but you didn’t pick up on his reaction – he was offended.
If you see it this way now, reach out again. Acknowledge that you have different conversation styles, perhaps affected by your using text for the original information which was being discussed the next day by phone.
If text is your most common way to communicate, and talking directly is his, you both need to adjust to reach each other.
Text has no nuances, while talking personally does. Best to avoid using text for an exchange that has emotional content.
That requires listening with your heart and talking out any confusion, instead of tapping off a snap answer. Later, it was the “memory” question that got to him.
My wife and I, both 40, have three daughters, ages six, nine and 11.
After years of babies, sleepless nights, rarely getting out except for work, we’re finally a solid, active family who can enjoy fun weekends and an annual vacation away.
What we don’t have are compatible friends in the same position.
Our few friends either don’t have children and want no part of ours on holidays (I understand), or they have two boys who won’t play with girls (true).
Another couple do none of the winter or summer sports we enjoy as a family. They prefer to lie on a beach and let their children stay in a pool all day.
What do you advise?
Our Friends Suck
Book the vacation style that suits your family, and go with an open interest in meeting others who’ve picked the same place and offerings.
Many long family friendships have been struck up at ski-hill chalets, during warm-up breaks, or at all-inclusive resorts that provide a kids’ activity camp along with family outings.
More affordable, camping in national parks that’s organized with activities, pools, and barbecues also brings together families with interests in outdoor life.
Developing a new friendship with another family can become a bonus experience of getting away.
FEEDBACK Regarding the woman, 27, who feels “so alone,” not attractive, and not getting attention from men (February 11):
Reader – “For anyone hoping to meet others, a garden club or horticulture society is to be considered.
“There’s usually a good mix of members – young and old, men and women, singles and couples.
“You don't need to have a garden, it’s still a great activity if you only have a balcony or patio.
“However, if someone has no interest in nature’s beauty, forming friendships would be difficult.”
Ellie – It’s not only where she meets people/men that makes a difference in whether she’s noticed. It’s how she feels about herself that comes through to others.
That’s why I responded: “Define yourself as an individual with your own value, not as woman-in-waiting for a man.”
If you smile a lot, laugh easily, and show interest in other people/men, that’s what’ll make you attractive to them.
Tip of the day:
Two people, who communicate differently, must adjust to each other’s style and meanings.