Why are some guys such jerks? I met this guy in a coffee lineup in my neighbourhood. He walked me home and asked if we could meet for our coffee the next day.

I said, sure. Once seated, he asked me nothing about myself but raved on about the great company he’d started with his friend.

They just needed some promotion and, they’d be “making a fortune.”

I got it. Since I work for a large public relations firm, this guy had obviously scouted me.

I said he’d have to seek promotion elsewhere, because I disliked his unprofessionalism, and I left.

Fed Up with Users/Jerks

Yes, he’s a jerk, but there’s no one gender that uses people for covert purposes. It’s up to everyone else (including you and me) to be alert and recognize any signals that all that’s being said or presented aren’t what you expect or want.

A male relative who’s been showing increased confusion is being hounded by a woman whom we’re convinced is after his house, money and valuable collections.

He was in the art business, but retreated from social and business life a decade ago and moved to a remote location in the Far East.

Close family tried to stay in touch but he often didn’t respond or sent a brief message that he’s “fine.”

The sibling, who finally visited him unannounced, witnessed the constant visits of a woman who claimed they were “best friends,” though our relative seemed vague about it.

The sibling recognized that his brother was confused and got him onto a plane for a physical and mental health assessment back home.

His brother willingly accepted all that and also gave his several siblings the joint Power of Attorney (POA) over his estate and major health decisions.

He’s since been diagnosed with early dementia.

Meanwhile, this woman has arrived in the same city, told the private retirement home where he’s staying that she’s his “girlfriend” and stays there all day in his room.

Worried Relatives

Your family needs help from a lawyer(s) experienced in estate planning, POA’s, and elder law.

While this woman may actually be kind to your relative and provide him with company, the issue of his money is very important now while he’s living.

Residing in a retirement home, and later in a nursing home as dementia increases, is expensive, especially in the private sector.

The cost of hours of trained caregiving when needed is very high. Fortunately, this man’s financial situation may afford it, if his remaining assets are well managed by the siblings through their POA.

However, if the woman’s interest is mostly for his money, some legal action needs to be taken to avoid her claiming to be his common-law spouse. She could possibly even convince him to marry her.

The siblings should see their lawyer immediately, inform the retirement home of their concerns, and also hire a part-time caregiver to replace this woman, to greatly reduce her visiting role.

There are wonderfully kind, experienced and trained caregivers in this field, and it’s the responsibility of the siblings to make sure they find someone who develops a rapport with this man.

The hours and days of a dementia patient in care centres can be long and very confusing, so kindness and patience are crucially needed.

If investigation reveals that the woman IS only there to scam for his money, her visits should be refused under instruction to the home through the legal firm.

FEEDBACK Regarding the woman with a “three times and I’m out” rule when a friend keeps declining invitations to get together (February 11):

Reader – “I just want to say to this letter-writer, “OH PLEASE!”

“Life gets busy and people’s families take work and priority! I have a friend I've known since I was 14. Sometimes we may go a year or more without talking but the connection is there.

“We pick up where we left off and enjoy each other's company when we do get the chance.

“I suggest that you ease up a bit, and when others are available and it works for your schedule, then enjoy your time with friends.

“There’s so much availability today to stay connected with social media.”

Older, Wiser and Not so tense

Ellie – I agree. Life’s too short to lose touch with people you still enjoy and care about.

Don’t take their “too busy” personally. It’s about them, not you.