Dear Readers – Some questions readers ask are extremely significant.
The following one affects almost everyone who’s separated/divorced with children and is ready to “move on” romantically:
When is the right time to tell my children that I now have a “friend? Should I tell my ex-wife first or let her find out through our kids?
New “Friend,” New Worries
You’re at the start of far more questions, such as: What age is most appropriate for kids to best handle this information?
When is it okay to introduce my new dating partner to my kids? Do I tell them together or individually?
A quick scan of credible online sources will reveal some of the so-called “ground rules:”
Wait till you’ve been dating at least six months. If on decent terms, tell your ex first.
Introduce the new person among other friends say, at a casual get-together. Do this several times before considering having him/her along with just you and your children.
Since young children easily form attachments, be fairly sure of the relationship’s future potential before you allow younger children to spend time with him/her and bond.
Readers – Share your stories of experience with this delicate and important relationship passage.
I met him on a dating site, we live four hours apart.
We talked on the phone everyday and once a month he’d spend the weekend with me.
Whenever he visited, he’d frequently go to the bathroom with his phone and also kept it on mute around me.
Three months into the relationship, he commented about a female Facebook friend, “she’s the woman of his dreams.”
Two months later, I logged into the site on which we met under a fictitious user. He was logged in with updated pictures.
I said nothing for three months. He was logging on even more.
It seemed that he met with someone, and I assumed she didn't like him because the day after their meeting he was very down, and our daily phone calls resumed at this time.
He’s handsome, smart, but very short.
He waited a week before he returned to the site and I decided to get even.
I created a fake account with pictures and he reached out. He asked to meet and left his phone number. I agreed and asked, was he in a relationship? He said that he’s single.
After a few back-and-forth messages, I said, "Sorry, I'm not interested, you’re too old and I don't like your height". He responded with, "You’re going to hell for that!”
When I talked to him, again he was down. Three weeks ago, I noticed he was back online looking again, and I decided I had enough.
I broke up with him in a text and told him I knew he was on there. Was I wrong to snoop and end it the way I did?
Yes, you were wrong. It was unnecessary, and you demeaned yourself by playing games.
When he told you about his “dream” woman, and also regularly hid his phone from you, the signals were clear that he wasn’t serious about the relationship.
Then you found him on dating sites. Nothing more was needed than to say, “I don’t want to be your ‘for-now’ person while you search for someone else. I deserve better.”
You have to value yourself more, if you want to be more valued by others. Next time, play it straight, say what you won’t accept, and move on.
I’m a 69-year-old man who’s recently been contacted by an 18-year-old woman who wants me to dominate her sexually.
I’d like to have a relationship with her, but I don't think I could slap, choke and spank her like she wants during sex.
Is she in need of therapy? I'd like to help her get help if she’d accept it.
The only thing decent about this question is your awareness that she needs therapy.
Maybe you need therapy and/or grief counselling too, since you sign yourself through your loss of a partner. And because you also think a 51-year age difference could be okay for her. It’s not.
Be the grandfather figure who tells her that her request isn’t healthy for either of you. Then direct her where to get individual therapy to learn that she deserves encouragement and love, not punishment though rough sex.
Then bow out. You might also reconsider that website you’re on.
Tip of the day:
Don’t rush your new “friend” into your children’s lives until you’ve thought out the best possible approaches.