I'm a male, 41. My best friend's wife and I were thrown together with our kids for a night at a rented cottage when our spouses both had to return to the city for a work crises (we got close as couples because they work at the same company). For several years now, we've shared a family-week getaway, together, in summer and winter.

She confided a lot to me this time, including many problems in her marriage. Don't misunderstand - she wasn't hitting on me, she's not having an affair, she just let her hair down about how difficult my friend is to live with and how unhappy it makes her.

I'm conflicted about whether I should tell him any of this. He loves her dearly, and though he sometimes says they have their "issues," I know he thinks it's mostly because of their teenage kids, and the stresses of their two careers, but not about him. I think he'd be devastated if I told him the truth.

Uneasy Pal

It's up to her to tell him, when she chooses, not you. Now that she's confided, she may expect you to pass this on, but you should not be the messenger. If she hints at it, be clear - their marriage is between them; a friend or relative should not manipulate it.

You can tell her that she needs to separate out her most serious complaints about him from the daily difficulties of balancing work life and home life (including teenagers). Then, she needs to open a discussion with him, so that both compromise on, to improve their relationship.

My former college roommate came back to town after ten years and we got together for drinks. I was shocked to see how overweight he was... at least 50 pounds. Yet he was downing many beers, and later eating greasy chips, wings, and even shoveled in dessert.

He made some self-deprecating jokes about his body spilling over the bar stools, and about not being able to attract any women to date. I wasn't sure how to respond.

We were very close years ago, and I believe I'm the only person he ever told that he was molested by a creepy uncle when he was a kid.

His parents believed and supported him, they reported the uncle, and split from that side of the family, but I still believe he never got over it.

Should I raise this past matter and relate his weight gain and lack of self-confidence to it, and maybe suggest he get more counseling?

Want to Help

You mean well, but could be treading on very sensitive, destructive territory. You can suggest counseling, only at an appropriate time in conversation, IF and when he's opened a door to wanting to get help to change his situation. But leave the delving into such a traumatic past to the professional therapist he chooses.

Because you care, it's a good time to see this friend several times while he's in town, and to stay in touch more often when he leaves. This will allow him time to gain trust to be more open about his feelings regarding his lack of dating opportunities, his body image, etc.

However, he may not want to share those feelings, so don't push. Just caring is helpful to his self-image, and it may be all he wants from you for now.

I'm 20, suffering severe anxiety for eight years, affecting every aspect of my life. I'm in a wonderful relationship with a very understanding man, but I overanalyze everything, from my appearance to how I speak.

When I meet new people, I often isolate myself from conversations. It's affected my ability to hold a job, because I'm deathly afraid of interviews, and regularly miss work due to anxiety attacks.

I'm a talented makeup artist, but I avoid working because I'm terrified of making any mistakes. I'm currently unemployed, out of school, and pondering a new career path.

Need to Overcome

Recognizing your problem areas is a good start to moving forward. Get your doctor's referral to a behaviour modification specialist. You need strategies to deal with your anxieties before they control your actions.

This should be your priority - hold off a career change until after you've learned to handle situations without crippling fears.