I was crazy about a co-worker and due to some personal and mixed emotions on my part I acted like a huge jerk towards her.
I’m convinced that she was interested in me, until I hurt her with my jerk-like and indifferent behaviour.
We've talked and I’ve apologized many times, but she cannot forget my past behaviour.
I’m still in love with her, but feel helpless in getting her to give me another chance.
Do women eventually see a nice guy for what he really is?
- Much Regret
“Eventually” means don’t push. Be pleasant, but stop trying to impress her with how pleasant you can be.
Apologizing was necessary, but continuing to do so makes you look desperate for an immediate relationship with her. She needs time to process this “real” you.
It’s possible that your past actions blew it permanently with this woman. If so, it could mean that she’s found someone else, is too wary to trust you, or is simply not open to giving second chances.
If so, back off, and learn to refrain from “jerk-like” behaviour.
I'm 24, in a relationship with this guy for four years. But I discovered 18 months ago that he has a deep dark secret - that he wishes he was born a girl.
I was the first person he ever told this to, but he’s felt this desire since he was a child.
He hates the idea of surgery to change his sexuality, and also realizes he’d have to tell everyone which would affect his social world. He's been seeing a doctor, and decided to dress as a girl at home and occasionally go out as one.
I hang out with him acting as a guy, and usually he'll stay dressed as a guy.
I'm having a hard time deciding what to do because I really love being with him but feel very uncomfortable with this whole thing.
How can I deal with this?
I don’t want to have to leave him only because of it.
This is a transition period for your guy, which is going to require a lot more of his time and effort to find his own comfort level. He’ll want to explore his gender identity further than this quick decision about cross-dressing, and should ask his doctor for referral to a gender identity clinic for assessment.
But for your comfort level, you’re going to have to decide, soon, how far your friendship or your relationship goes.
He’s confided in you and trusts you; you could continue to be his closest pal, and support him through the process of self-discovery. But if you feel too awkward to stay a couple, say so.
Meanwhile, you both need more information, such as that most cross-dressers are heterosexual and only dress as the other sex part-time, for various reasons including pleasure or relief of stress.
What’s up with women and shoes? My fiancee has about 40 pairs and is always shopping for more.
Is this a sign of insecurity, or is she a shopaholic I shouldn’t marry because she’ll make me go broke?
- Four-Pair Guy
Everyone to their own retail therapy… and if you’re into stereotypes, there are plenty of guys who can’t resist a DIY store.
For shoe-lovers – women and men alike – shoes are the key style statement, from “cool,” to “funky” and more.
If your fiancee can afford this indulgence, it’s her business.
If not, better discuss future finances along with marriage plans.
My 10-year-old sister is cutting herself due to stresses in her life. She feels overweight, not pretty and wishes she had blonde hair because the boys in her class like blondes.
She’s seeing a counsellor to deal with her stress, but what can I do to help her see herself as a beautiful little girl who doesn’t have to deal with such heavy issues?
Your sister’s cry for help is thankfully being heard, which is why she’s seeing a counsellor. She’s using cutting to express the greater pain, for her, of strong emotions and intense pressure. There may be bullying going on at school; a good therapist will bring out the specific problems she’s experiencing.
Meanwhile, if she wants to talk, listen, but don’t lecture or argue with her.
If you gain new, helpful information, encourage her to share it with her therapist, or tell her parents.
Tip of the day:
In relationships, pushy equals needy and is usually a big turn-off.