I was married for 28 years, then discovered his affair and was devastated. That was seven years ago.
I then had a five-year relationship that ended when he wanted me to leave my family and children and move to his homeland (Carribean).
A year ago I met another man who seemed sincere, but only learned through a friend that he had a common-law wife and young child.
I feel betrayed and used.
Yet, I'm having difficulty getting over him, I don’t take his calls and only occasionally chat with him online.
He has no problem leading this type of lifestyle, no morals, respect or dignity for his wife or family.
I just want to be in a happy, loving caring relationship once more.

- Searching

Happiness isn’t on your radar screen with this deceitful man, so don’t encourage him further.
With online chat as a sign of interest, he’ll slip back into your life at the first chance. It’s the worst thing you could do, since you’ve become anxious about not finding a decent relationship and could easily fall into his double-timing scheme.
Recognize that you need to use better judgment when meeting new men. It’s not uncommon that you went into relationships hoping to turn around feelings of post-divorce devastation, but you need to learn to be more selective, to take time to discover a person’s background, and character.
When you do, you’ll stop wasting your time with players.
Join friends’ activities, and interest groups to make your life more enjoyable, until you find a partner you can trust.

My daughter and her boyfriend, both 24, moved home until they got jobs. But they haven’t looked for work for six months, and live like slobs.
How do I get them out?

- Fed Up

Give them first and last months’ rent, and show them the door.
It’s cheaper than months of feeding and housing them and what it costs to your mental health.

My boyfriend of two years broke it off because he couldn't deal with my explosive moods when I was drinking.
I’ve been suffering moods since age 12 and alcohol abuse since 22. My doctor put me on medicine, but I still drank.
After our split, my ex came over and we had sex. Then, his best friend told me the guys hired a stripper for him and he fooled around with her.
Well, I went on a date and had sex, and told my ex.
He ended even our sexual relationship.
Then I learned that I was losing my house, was $700.00 in debt, my medication was stolen by a co-worker.
I decided to end it all, but called my ex and he came over and held me. I haven't touched alcohol since. I’ve been taking my medication. I want him back but he’s worried that I’ll return to my old ways.
What should my next steps be?

- Trying Harder

Take one step at a time, to improve your health and stop living carelessly. Giving up alcohol was crucial… get support for staying sober. I recommend Alcoholics’ Anonymous for its support groups, regular meetings, and proven methods.
Talk to your doctor about whether you need added approaches for your mood swings – e.g. nutrition, exercise, therapy.
Do NOT place all your expectations and motivation on winning back this guy.
Your efforts are worthwhile for yourself alone; they’ll renew your self-respect, pride and ability to do better in any relationship in the future.

I’m in my first relationship and love spending time with my boyfriend of six months, but a few little things worry me. Example: he asks me to drive over, because it’s too troublesome for him to pick me up and go back to his place.
He doesn’t see me out the door.
I'm always making him dinner and going out of my way for him, but he’s doing nothing in return.

- Confused

Neglectful treatment early on in dating, is a sure sign of neglectful treatment later.
This guy’s continually refusing to go out of his way for you, isn’t a “little” thing.
More importantly, the pattern that you accept from him now is what you’ll always get.
Stop handling this relationship on your own – no more making dinner, nor delivering yourself like some kind of “take-out” service. He either makes some effort or he’s not worth your time and energy.