I’ve been with my boyfriend for over a year, but I feel he’s losing interest in me and the relationship. He's starting to make unnecessary rude comments and belittling me.
He’s also constantly commenting on other girls in front of me and mentions wanting to be with other girls.
I know it's natural for people to find others attractive, but he does it while knowing it bothers me.
It makes me insecure and when I try to tell him to stop, he laughs and says he's joking and that I get offended too easily or that I'm too sensitive.
I admit that I'm not the most confident person and I may be taking some of his comments to heart, but it makes me feel like I'm not good enough or that he no longer wants to be in the relationship.
He also comments about my appearance or the way I dress, like he compares me to other girls.
When I ask if he wants to be in this relationship or if he loves me, he says he does. But I fear that he's not being honest.
Am I being too sensitive or am I holding on to a failing relationship?
Not Taken Seriously
What a shame that his insensitive remarks, rudeness and belittling, plus his laughing off your hurt feelings, leaves you feeling “not good enough.”
The reality is that most people, especially when young, have some sensitivity about being criticized or negatively compared to others.
You react to his comments by getting hurt and putting yourself down. He reacts to you by being a jerk.
Here’s the letter that I wish for your sake, that you’ll soon gain the confidence to write to me: “Ellie, my boyfriend talks about wanting to be with other girls. He also compares my looks and how I dress, to other girls.
“I’ve told him that I don’t want to be with someone who’s so disrespectful to me, and I’m moving on.”
Even if you can’t see yourself doing this right away, keep in mind that only you can decide what putdowns you accept from others, and what you want for yourself in terms of respect, and equality.
This boyfriend isn’t likely to help you gain the self-confidence you need for a relationship to last.
Reader’s Commentary Regarding the male partner who wants his girlfriend to have a three-or foursome with other women (April 8th):
“I was in a similar situation years ago. My ex-husband wanted me to go have sex with other men, then come back and tell him about it.
“But, like the writer, I was being pressured into sexual situations I didn’t want.
“It started with, “Wouldn’t it be fun/interesting…..” went to, “I want you to…..”, then, “What’s wrong with you?”
“I was diminished and shamed by him for several years. He said he “loved” me, yet he kept trying to make me into someone I am not.
“I finally left him, years later than I should have. I’ve always been grateful that I did not have children with him, as that would have tied me to him for the rest of my life.
“My advice to that woman? Get out with your self-respect as soon as you can.
“This will likely only get worse. When you leave, he might come to his senses and ask for another chance. But don’t count on it.
“There are others out there who will respect you for who you are, not whom they want you to be.”
After talking online with a guy who said he was looking for a relationship, I agreed to meet for dinner.
He chose a restaurant where we had to sit side-by-side. He took my hand while we waited for our order, then upset me by running his hand up my leg to the knee. I shut my knees tightly.
Conversation was just okay, I shared the bill with him, he offered to drive me home. I turned to say good night, and he grabbed at my jacket at my breast, forcibly trying to squeeze me there.
Where do guys get the nerve? There’d been no indication from me that I was ready for anything sexual!
It’s long been part of the male culture globally that anything sexual is worth trying. No longer. Tell anyone who grabs you without consent “That’s sexual assault.” Then report it or at the very least threaten to do so.
Tip of the day:
The more you accept belittling treatment, the more you’ll lose your self-confidence.