I am a divorced septuagenarian with two children. One is married, independent, living with her husband and pregnant with her first child. My other child has serious mental health challenges, has always lived at home with me, and cannot function independently.

Though I benefitted from excellent health my whole life, I have recently been diagnosed with an incurable disease. I’m most concerned about my child with disabilities. I have asked my daughter to discuss the situation with her father, who has never helped us out financially. He is a terrible human, who abandoned his children when he chose to have an affair several decades ago.

The past is the past and all I care about is my child’s future. How can I get my ex to get on board and look after the needs of his disabled child when I can no longer be there?

Dying Mom

I am so sorry for your current health situation. You must look after yourself so your days can be enjoyable and stress-free. Speak to a lawyer and a financial advisor. Figure out exactly how much money you have for this child’s future care, and approximately how much they will need. Ask your daughter to help you find a suitable living situation for her sibling.

Draft a letter to your ex, outlining your concerns, your solutions, and the costs involved. See what his response is. He may surprise you…. or not. Whatever he agrees to, get it in writing with a lawyer.

I also strongly suggest you find someone else who you trust to make sure your child will be cared for.

My teenage daughter is constantly rolling her eyes at me. It’s got to the point where she doesn’t even hear what I have to say before she basically sticks her hand in my face and tells me to stop talking. She doesn’t actually say stop talking, but that’s what her body language is saying.

I know you’re probably going to say, “her choice, her consequences,” but she’s still my daughter and I want to protect her. Also, she’s a young teenager, so she still lives in my house and is completely dependent on me. So, for example, if I suggest she wear a rain coat because it’s pouring, and she refuses, yes, she gets wet. But I then have to take time off of work to stay home with her when she’s sick. So, the consequences affect me as well.

I’ve spoken to some of her friends’ moms, whom I’m also friendly with, to find out if their daughters are similar. They all say my daughter is a delight to have around and is never rude to them. Good to know. One said her daughter never speaks to her like that; another said her daughter gets irritable once a week; and two others said their daughters were grumpier, like mine, but seemingly not as often and not as bad.

Where do I go from here?

Mixed-up Mom

After speaking with a child psychologist, I suggest you ask your daughter if everything is OK, and if she would like to talk about anything. Offer her the chance to talk to someone professional. She may be having troubles in school, with friends, or in her romantic life that she doesn’t feel comfortable talking about with you.

Also, take a look at her diet, her sleep habits, and her intake of drugs and alcohol. All of these can affect her mood and her behaviour. She may need more sleep; she may need more protein and less sugar. Get her a doctor’s appointment to check up on her physical health as well.

FEEDBACK Regarding the grandparents asking for early Christmas with their family (Sept. 27):
Reader – “Your take on early Christmas in November is way off. The daughters-in-law are being selfish? Not the people who want to completely rejig Christmas and its traditions for multiple families around their schedule so they can snowbird? Please.

“I’m 100 per cent with the kids on this one. The daughters-in-law are prioritizing their kids’ Christmas experience. The grandparents are prioritizing their winter plans. If the grandparents want to be there for Christmas, they can choose to delay their trip south like thousands of snowbirds do. They are choosing to start their trip before Christmas.

“Choices have outcomes. This choice has the outcome of missing Christmas with their family. They are fine with this outcome as evidenced by the fact they continually make the same choice.”

My two cents

Lisi – And you are prioritizing tradition over family. I stand by my answer.