Dear Readers – Betrayed wives speak out against women who choose to have relationships with married men (July 10):
Reader #1 – “As I read the letter from “No more married men” I had a hard time feeling any empathy for this woman.
“My ex-husband and I had been going through some rough years when he turned to another woman.
“I’d tried so hard during those years to talk to him, to address our life stresses, rekindle things in the bedroom, etc.
“It takes two people for this to work and he wasn’t interested. It was easier to get his “needs” met elsewhere.
“The same weekend I left him for a trial separation he moved in with her and then act surprised when I said things were done!
“While I hold him mostly responsible for the cheating, I hold “her” significantly responsible too.
“No one knows what goes on in a marriage except those in it. Deception and lies accompany infidelity.
“She had to know that he was lying to his wife. Why did she think she was immune to him lying to her? Why was she okay with helping him cheat on his wife? How would she feel if she was the one cheated on?
“The betrayal isn’t only from a spouse. It’s also from another person who doesn’t regard you or your life and feelings.”
No Empathy Here
Reader #2 – “For three years, the man complained to her about his marriage, claiming that he didn’t have a relationship with his wife for 15 years and as a result, he slept on the couch.
“Despite knowing that he had no intention of leaving his marriage, she felt sorry for him and entered into a relationship with him. She came to realize that he was using her and she was wasting her time. She eventually left.
“I’m writing this for any woman who finds herself involved with a married man.
“Ask yourself: If he told you he has a good wife, who loves him and puts up with his idiosyncrasies, would you consider cheating with him? Chances are, No.
“If he said he slept on the couch out of a lazy habit, would you feel sorry for him? Not Likely.
“If he told you he has insecurity issues and you’re nothing more than an ego boost, would you waste your time waiting for him? No way.
“If he confessed that his marriage is rocky because he’s emotionally, or physically abusive, would you still justify participating with his cheating?
“Do not believe that a man who’s looking for “comfort” outside of his marriage, is on the level, and being honest with you.
“If the marriage is that bad, if his wife is as horrible as he says, if he’s really a victim, why would he stay?
“Even if he has children, he’d have left his wife long before he met you, and you wouldn’t have to date him in secret as you now do.
“You wouldn't have to wait in line for him, behind a wife and a family.
“Actually, you have no way of knowing what’s really happening (good or bad) once that door closes behind him. He’ll tell you only what he wants you to believe.
“So, why get involved and compromise yourself?”
Victim's Wife (Who Knows Better)
Ellie – Share your experiences (anonymously) with this controversial fact of life for many people, their spouses, lovers and their children, too.
Keep the conversation going and send me your questions and stories.
I’m a gay man, 41, dating someone for two years.
Problem: He’s ten years younger than me and his job (fitness industry) isn’t secure nor on the same prestige or income level as mine.
I’m okay with that because I think I love him, and I want/feel ready to have a life partner.
But my close friends tease me about being his “sugar daddy” who’ll end up supporting him financially. Am I making the wrong choice?
The “problem” is your close friends’ approach.
They could (if you let them) raise the topic in a kinder way, as in, “Are you prepared to support him indefinitely if he doesn’t seek or find a steadier, better-paying position?”
The teasing must stop. Tell them so. Then talk to your boyfriend about how he feels regarding advancing work-wise.
Finally, talk to yourself. Along with love, you need to feel respect for your partner, whatever his earnings.
Tip of the day:
There are many sides to why someone cheats - his, hers, the lover’s and the kids.’