I've been casually, and not too often, going out with this guy for several months. He's very kind and always pays for everything. However, I am unsure whether we're in the "friend" or "dating" zone. Do I assume, since he pays for our outings, that he's interested?

Perplexed

Assume nothing other than what's evident - he's a generous guy who likes your company "not too often."

If you're developing feelings, be careful to not let your imagination guide your emotions. Nothing concrete about the "dating" zone has been shown or said.

Try showing your own warmth - a touch on the arm, a peck on the cheek, and get him talking about himself. Offer to pay sometimes, or split the bill, so he doesn't think you're just along for a free ride.

If there's no touchy-feely response or asking to get together more often, then consider that you have a casual pal for occasional hanging out.

Our daughter-in-law's from a different culture and seems to be trying to change everything about our son - his religion, his politics, his appearance. She's condescending to us.

How are we supposed to deal with her: just suck up everything she says and ignore her insulting manner to keep peace?

Hurt Parents

It appears that it's your son who's actually hurting your feelings (perhaps unwittingly), by adapting to a wife who differs from you.

She may appear "condescending" to you, because you resent that she's brought these other ideas and beliefs to your family. Yet, she is likely hurt, as well, because she knows you don't accept her and see her only as foreign.

Cross-cultural unions are common in today's society, and, like marriages, require some knowledge of "the other," as well as some caring and compassion.

If you want to be part of your son's life, you need to at least show interest and be open to learning about her traditions. As in many families, it may be best to avoid discussing politics if you are polar opposites on that topic.

However, it's easy and interesting to learn and try different foods, share different holiday celebrations, and be welcoming to the woman who may one day present you with grandchildren you'll want to be around.

If she remains distant, discuss the problem with your son, pointing out that you've tried to be "family" with her. So far, it doesn't sound as if you can make that claim.

My friends and I often exchange gifts on special holidays. One of my girlfriends gave me a sweater that is two sizes too small. Should I tell her? If I should, how should I tell her?

Bad Fit

Since she's a close enough friend to gift you a sweater, you should be able to casually say that though you like it a lot, you need to exchange it for a larger one and would like to know in which store she bought it.

If she hesitates, or offers to do it for you, she may be feeling awkward because she bought it on sale or it's a re-gift from someone else. If you already believe this to be true, then just say you like it but can't wear it because it doesn't fit and does she have any ideas about what you should do.

She may then give you permission to re-gift it yourself.

This matter should NOT be divisive between you as friends. Whatever happens, she meant well by giving you the sweater.

FEEDBACK Regarding the boyfriend who never takes "frustrated" out somewhere "nice" (March 24):

Reader #1 - "What's wrong with her taking her boyfriend out somewhere nice?

"My husband and I are 70s, married 23 years. We still sometimes take each other out.

"The man shouldn't be the only one to plan and pay for outings."

Reader #2 - "Ellie, while the relationship's probably destined to failure, I was seriously perturbed by the sexism that permeates in the letter and your response to not tell her that, as a female in 2012, she too has a responsibility in the relationship. If dressing up and going out is desired, she should do it and pay for it (as she did have a job)."

Ellie - "Both readers are correct that she could do the asking... but the real problem she needed to address (instead of diverting blame) was a mutually poor relationship."