My husband of 10 years has a daughter, 19, from a previous relationship, whom he hasn't seen for 16 years.

There's bad blood between him and his ex, who kept him from seeing her. He pays regular child support. We have two children together.
He's been attempting to contact his daughter on Facebook and also written detailed letters, to no avail. He now wants to drop into her place of work unannounced.

I've always been supportive of his wanting to see her but I'm now wary of the future.

I was happy with our little family, and the thought of having a stepdaughter terrifies me. He's planning to present her with a large cheque withdrawn from our retirement investment funds.

We've accumulated this fund together and I'm not comfortable with his giving away all of our savings to "make up" for lack of contact.

I'm secretly hoping she'll continue to decline contact but I know seeing her will make him very happy.

I'm also not ready to have an "ex" in my life. How do I cope with my world being about to change? Our young children don't know they have a half-sister and I'm not sure they'd understand at this time.

Fearful of Future

There are very separate issues here, and confusing them could divide you and your husband.

Primary, is his need to contact his daughter. This is between them, she might not respond as he wishes, but she'll learn that he cares, and has tried to reach her in the past.

The money for her is a separate matter, and should NOT come from your joint contribution.

He should also get financial advice first, as there are ways to transfer money to her in trust without handing over a big cheque when she's likely too young, angry, and under her mother's control, to handle it wisely.

Lastly, realize that you ALWAYS had a stepdaughter (and an ex) in your relationship. Your kids will one day know they have a half-sister and your answers about why you never told them may even cause anxiety, or anger them that a child can be "dismissed."

Start finding ways to tell them, appropriate to their age.

I'm 58, dating a man, 52, for the past eight years. Seven years ago, I fell into financial problems with my rent and he loaned me the money. I managed to repay him half of what I owed. Five months back, I paid him another $400.00 towards it.
He decided seven years ago, that until I pay him back, there should be no gift or card exchange, and no going out anywhere... no shows, etc.

We haven't been anywhere or celebrated Valentines, Christmas, or birthdays for seven years.
I find it very hurtful, like a punishment. Do I have the right to ask for credit for all the gifts he hasn't bought me or spent taking me anywhere to be deducted from what I owe?

Beyond Debt

From a financial view, he's no tougher than a bank (which doesn't loan money and also give bonus gifts, and you're incredibly naïve to think you're "owed" gifts.)

But from a relationship view, the whole arrangement is wacky - yes, his attitude is punitive and turns his generosity into a controlling gesture that might as well include interest like a bank, since there's no leeway on enjoying "extras" together. However, your sticking around so long is even more astonishing.

Pay him off as soon as possible (I'd take a bank loan for the rest) and find a warmer companion in the future.

My boyfriend of one year is 43; I'm 36. We've been invited to his friend's wedding. She (the bride) demanded that he drive the couple to the wedding instead of hiring a limo.

She said that IF I attend (separately) I must drive my boyfriend and their friends home, as they'll get drunk at the reception. Friends say he's responsible to find a driver, otherwise I shouldn't attend.

Uncertain

She's beyond Bridezilla with her unreasonable demands that your boyfriend should either avoid or alter so that you two can go together to this event.

After one year together, if he accepts that he's their chauffeur, and you accept that he gets drunk and you're the designated driver, you're setting yourself up for two problems: 1) that this "friend" has too much sway over him, and 2) that it's always okay for him to get drunk socially, while you must be the driver. BAD precedents.