My boyfriend’s ten-year relationship ended seven months before we met. They’d just moved out of their apartment. He insisted he’s ready to move on.

He thinks it's ridiculous not to remain friends with someone known for so long. But weeks after we started dating, he met up with her for drinks, which I only learned later that evening.

I told him that I don't like it, that I'd prefer that they don't hang out on their own.

Another time, I met a friend after work and he met a few of his. I later learned he invited her to go out with them, but didn’t bother to invite me.

He hadn't yet told her that he had a girlfriend.

In January, I was out with him and all of his friends, and early that evening he’d invited her to come along.

She showed up when I had no idea that she was going to be there. He later said he didn't feel the need to say he’d invited her, because she initially declined, then showed up anyway.

Was it disrespectful of him not to say he’d invited her? Is it reasonable to ask him not to hang out alone with his ex?

Annoyed Girlfriend

He may be ready to move on… but not to end all contact with his ex. YOU are the one not ready for a relationship on this basis.

Arguing who’s right or wrong, or disrespectful, misses the point… either you accept that he’s going to see her from time to time, or he’s going to do so sneakily.

Suggest he introduce you to her as his girlfriend, includes you when she’s around, and/or doesn’t see her alone without telling you beforehand.

If he can’t accept that, he’s not ready to be with a new girlfriend, and you’d save yourself heartache by moving on.

My ex died (we’re long divorced), and there was huge drama about the funeral and the will. My eldest daughter, closest to her father, insulted her younger sister, and now they aren’t speaking.

What am I supposed to do? There’s also a stepmother and young children in the will.

Complicated Passing

Do nothing, other than comfort both daughters, separately, through their grief. Each person carries it differently. One or both of them may benefit from grief counselling.

The stepmother and young kids are not new in their lives, they’ll have to accept and adjust to whatever the will provides.

I've been “hanging out with” a wonderful lady for three months. We agreed that we’d be exclusive because it gets complicated otherwise, but we also agreed that neither one of us wanted a serious relationship.

We’re in touch often, see each other intimately (usually including a home-cooked meal, etc.) at least once a week, and get along very well.

I’ve developed stronger feelings for her, but am worried that if I share them, it’ll “scare” her away.

Present Dilemma

The more you have dinner n’ sex exclusively with her, the more emotionally attached you’ll feel, the more devastated if she doesn’t feel the same way.

Speak up now. Be open about why you previously thought you didn’t want to be in a serious relationship, and say some of the things that have changed your mind, e.g. realization of shared interests, values, whatever.

She may be in the same situation, holding onto feelings and fear of revealing them. Or, hearing your sincerity may make her comfortable about getting more serious.

If not, the sooner you know, the better.

I've noticed a pattern - when I'm single, I feel the urge to pursue things that interest me and make me happy.

But when I like someone, or start a relationship, my confidence goes out the window. I lose focus on things that are important to me and become preoccupied with my thoughts.

I feel I'm wasting my life when this happens. It makes me want to remain single because these feelings are so overwhelming.  I don't know what to do.

What's Wrong with ME?!

Loss of confidence when you’re in a relationship has roots in your past, not the present when you’re otherwise capable, outgoing, and upbeat.

There’s nothing “wrong” with you, but there IS something that drags you down, when in a “couple.”

See a counselor to explore this reaction. When you find the answer, you’ll feel a weight off your shoulders, and feel free to be with someone you love.