My close, lifelong friend has stopped talking to me because she thinks I did something that I did not do. It took me over a month to get out of her why she was so upset and not responding to my calls or texts. When she did, and she told me why she was so upset, she didn’t even give me the chance to give my side of the story. And when I asked where she heard what she heard, she told me the name of a mutual friend.
What do I do? Do I call out the mutual friend and ask her why she would do me a dirty like that? And how do I get my friend to hear me out? This has gone on for a few months now.
Thrown under the bus
You have really been thrown under the bus here! If the mutual friend is a close friend, then yes, I suggest you call her and talk it through with her. It’s going to be a “she said, she said” situation, but you’ll be able to recognize what’s underlying… unless she’s a great actress. However, if she’s not a close friend, then don’t bother. Just know you can’t trust her and she is not loyal to you.
Then I strongly believe you need to speak with your close friend. Tell her that you in no way would ever purposefully hurt her and if you did hurt her, you’re very sorry. That’s what matters. However, she must give you the opportunity to prove that you didn’t do what she thinks you did. If she doesn’t, then she’s really not a good friend. And to be honest, it was very immature and unfair of her to have ghosted you in the first place! A truly good friend would have called and said, “You hurt me; you did this to me; we’re good friends; why would you do that?”
Innocent until proven guilty – NOT the other way around!
I’m an only child of divorced parents. I’m in my 20s, finishing university, looking to start my adult life in my career of choice. My parents live in two different countries. I know that I could have a better life in one, but I also know that the other will be better for my career. Obviously, both parents are hopeful I’ll live close to them.
I’m feeling pulled apart, as I obviously love them both. How do I make this decision?
One and Only
Your life is going to be split between the two countries, more so as your parents age and need care. If you’re only 20, I assume they’re both still healthy, vibrant and working. Depending on where you received your degree, that could affect where you work, depending on your career. For example, if you became a doctor in Canada, you’d have to work in Canada unless you pass exams that would allow you to work elsewhere. Same with law – very location specific.
If you have more freedom, I suggest applying for jobs in both countries. Then choose the better opportunity. You’re young and have your whole life ahead of you. You can work in one country for a few years, and the other after that.
Unfortunately, as the only child, as soon as one parent starts to age and become less independent, you’ll be on the hook to move closer to help. That will affect the course of your life – but that’s down the road. So, for now, just live your life to the fullest. And if the best opportunity is in a completely different country, go for it!
FEEDBACK Regarding the husband who shared a secret (Feb. 18):
Reader – “Recap: wife #1 is being cheated on by husband #1 (married to each other). Husband #1 told husband #2 about his infidelity (they are close friends). Husband #2 told wife #2 (married to each other). Wife #2 asks you if she should tell wife #1 (they are close friends).
“You advised wife #2 to tell wife #1 so the latter doesn't find out. I agree that it’d be devastating for wife #1 to find out that wife #2 knew and didn't tell her, it’s the obligation of husband #1 to tell wife #1. I suspect he told husband #2 to avoid having to confess his affair to his own wife. How about husband #2 tells husband #1 that husband #1 needs to tell wife #1 about his infidelity and that if he doesn't, husband #2 and wife #2 will tell wife #1 and that their friendship with husband #1 is over.”
Lisi – Confusing, but yes.