I went to a party a few weeks ago, which was to celebrate one woman’s journey in which she conquered cancer. The woman had received a terrible diagnosis, but she had refused to accept it, threw herself into recovery, and succeeded.

The event was in the colour of her particular cancer, the food and music were thematic, and we were all there to celebrate that our friend/relative was still with us.

One woman showed up with the single intention of getting absolutely tanked. She walked in holding a bottle of her favourite alcohol, which happens to be something the host can’t and won’t drink. She wasn’t wearing the right colour clothing, and in fact, wore gold, which represents childhood cancer, and not something anyone wants to celebrate unnecessarily.

She was drunk before we were even tipsy and just made a complete ass of herself. No one could understand her behaviour and several women tried to calm her down, to no avail. After dancing wildly, she passed out and had to have her boyfriend called to come and pick her up.

She really took the focus away from the woman we were celebrating and annoyed everyone. What the heck?

Party Disruptor

For whatever reason – and your guess is as good as mine – this woman could not handle the party. Perhaps the whole topic scares her. Perhaps she’s unaccustomed to dealing with such issues. Perhaps she’s just immature.

Or, perhaps, something else is going on in her life. Whatever the reason, her behaviour was wildly inappropriate, and she should be issuing an apology to the host. But don’t judge her before you know why she behaved the way she did.

My roommate treats his girlfriend so poorly, it’s disgusting. He demands she do things for him, like make him coffee, or bring him a beer. He’ll even be sitting with me, our other roommate and some friends, beside the kitchen, and call for her to get him a drink when she’s down the hall studying! Several of our group have commented but he “blames” it on his South American culture, saying that’s the way he was raised.

None of us know why she puts up with him. He’s such a chauvinist! I find it borderline abusive but don’t know what to do to stop it. I would NEVER speak to anyone the way he speaks to her, nor would I accept someone speaking to me that way.

My concern is her well-being and mental health. But again, I don’t want to get up in their business. What do I do?

Rude Roommate

He sounds horrible! You could say to him, when she is in earshot, that you don’t think he speaks to her respectfully. You can also say that though you respect his culture, you respect people and their feelings more, and that his methods aren’t appreciated in your shared home.

If she knows that she has you as an ally, that might make her feel better. But she may not mind his ways. You said you find it borderline abusive, which is a very serious accusation. I don’t think you two should be roommates much longer.

FEEDBACK Regarding lifestyles (Nov. 26):

Reader – “In response to your advice saying, ‘once you get married and have a family, etc. you will never be carefree again.’

“If people are lucky enough to retire at a decent age, sure they can! Kids become adults and you can live a carefree life again after they have grown. Once they are old enough to be able to fend for themselves, it is a new life altogether!”

Lisi – I hadn’t thought about that…… thank you!

FEEDBACK Regarding double religion (Nov. 27):

Reader – “The milquetoast answer was not appropriate. Canadians have been celebrating Christmas for hundreds of years. Why can newcomers and others who come here not respect our traditions? Canadians do (and should) welcome newcomers, immigrants, refugees etc. But many of these bring along religious and cultural traditions that they want to foist on us. They want US to change and impose their own values over ours.

“Poor old Double Religion should get off his high horse and reckon with the fact that he needs to share our values and culture. If he was born here, then get over himself for the one short month of Christmas. And stop trying to undermine Canadian values and traditions.”

Lisi – I changed some of your wording because you were making unfair assumptions. Also, for your information, Judaism, Islam, Hinduism, Buddhism, Sikhism and Chinese religions were all in Canada by the early 1900s.