Dear Readers - Over the years, many people have written me seeking advice about their sex lives or lack thereof... including absent libido, waning sex between couples, male erectile dysfunction issues, etc. These questions are common.

But specific, individualized sex advice should not always have “common” answers.

There are medical doctors who regularly deal with patients’ personal matters. Also, psychiatrists, psychotherapists, sex therapists, professional couples’ counsellors, etc. are also qualified to advise people on how to improve their specific issues regarding having and enjoying sex.

Given the demographic numbers of a huge generation of aging Baby Boomers, I hear from men and women alike, some in their 80’s, writing me that they’re still having/desiring sex.

It’s a part of human nature, and exploring its possibilities in a trusted, safe situation is normal... though not an absolute necessity in everyone’s life.

So, whether eating natural plant-based products, drinking more water daily, taking health-food supplements, or an exercise/walking regime is what makes you feel fit, positive and aroused for sex - or a new approach from medical science - my response to sex-related queries is this:

If it improves your sexual enjoyment, it’s bound to improve your relationship with a partner for whom you also have some positive feelings.

But, if it doesn’t work for you despite having desire, then see/talk to a professional in the physical-health and mental health fields.

Reader’s Commentary Regarding the “interesting future” of the relationship advice column now shared by Ellie and her daughter Lisi (announced May 30):

“As a daily avid reader of the Toronto Star’s online newspaper format I stop fairly regularly on the Ellie column on my way to the comics! When a topic appeals, I read it with interest.

“But being a male 71-years-young, I sometimes disagree with the sympathetic, logical and obviously professional advice offered.

“Also, married for 47 years, retired for 16, and now living with both mid-30’s daughters who’ve returned home to live, one with a job re-location and the other with a relationship break-up, I tick many of the boxes of the people submitting questions.

“We’ve gone from a quiet, immaculate household of empty-nesters to a moderately chaotic and lively collection of a lone male drowning in a sea of estrogen.

“I wish Ellie and Lisi both the same happiness my wife has now, working with her (our) two darlings.”

FEEDBACK Regarding the girlfriend who keeps re-hashing her dating “issues” (June 21):

“Despite the initial reader’s mistake in thinking there was a male friend in the letter-writer’s account, it was clear from your initial column that it was two women friends talking.

“I remember this because I’ve experienced a similar situation with two girlfriends. One would talk “at me” for an hour on the phone about a problem but when we next spoke, and I asked “how did such-and-such turn out,” she’d reply, “Oh I don’t want to talk about that.”
“I finally had to drop her. I felt/feel guilty but it was for my own mental health.
“The other one had long unresolved issues despite years of therapy, but wouldn’t/couldn’t do the “work” to get them out of her mind. She was put into group therapy.

“I’m afraid I saw group therapy for her as a last resort for non-responding clients.”

FEEDBACK Regarding the first-time mother seeming overwhelmed (June 22):

Reader – “She’s heard crying in the background of her brother-in-law’s phone call with her husband. I recall my own experience with postpartum depression. as a new mother. My milk didn’t come in and tension was rising.

“My friend gave me a backrub which released strong emotions in me. I sobbed over the trauma my body had gone through in childbirth. After getting in touch with this, I felt much better and was able to nurse.

“New mothers need to feel totally cared for by family/friends/ midwives. There needs to be acknowledgement that the birth experience can be difficult. I believe there’d then be less postpartum depression.

“In our society, many new mothers do feel overwhelmed and alone, more so than in many other cultures.”

Reader #2 – “Perhaps the baby’s father has little-to-no experience with postpartum depression and it’s scaring him when his wife cries? His angry outbursts aren’t helping.”