I’m getting married; it’s to be a small fall weekend wedding. We’ll all be in close quarters.

My future father-in-law smells... really, really bad. He showers but doesn't use soap or deodorant.

He’s a lovely man and we don't want to hurt his feelings. But he’s really stinky and I’m concerned that he will offend our guests. How do we deal with this issue without offending him or our guests?

Strong Scent 

Where’s everyone’s good sense been, until this wedding dilemma raised a smell?

He has a son (your fiancé) and presumably other relatives in this small wedding party, who’ve either ignored his odour, or avoided him. Worse, no one seems to have been kind enough to help him see he’s isolating himself socially.

The groom must talk to his dad. If his father resists “fixes,” his son needs to find out why and patiently try to persuade him. He can even suggest they have a father-son spa steam-and-massage on the wedding day, making sure he showers with soap.

If nothing works, use mild incense in the room, burn candles, and whatever other scents that work as gentle camouflage.

Also, don’t dismiss the possibility he has some physical reason for the strong smell. His son should get him to check it out with his doctor.

When I first met my boyfriend of two years, he was very much a carefree bachelor, working part-time doing something he loved but didn't allow him to save or splurge.

When we started dating, I pressured him to take life more seriously in order to secure a happy future for us. He started his own business.

Although good at what he does, he lacks business sense and savvy and the business hasn't had the fantastic start we all anticipated. I don't see it becoming a reliable income for him.
I have a great job, which allows me to save for a rainy day. In the next few years, I hope to start a family, but I fear we won't have the financial means to do so.

Although I do love him very much and he's been extremely generous with his love and affection, I don't know if I can be happy with a partner who lives paycheck to paycheck. Should I stick around and wait to see if his business works, or do I cut my losses now and move on?

Not so Happy But in Love

What you have to examine closely is NOT his drive and ability, and NOT the financial numbers ahead, which you’re guessing at.

Be sure about your own attitudes.

If financial security is your most important goal, then he’s not for you.

If loving someone who loves you in return, is generous and affectionate and a man with whom you’d like to have children, is a greater goal…. then he’s the right man, even if he’s in the wrong business.

Yes, a mutual plan re: handling finances is important. And he’s already shown willingness to try. He does care what you think and want for the future.

Get to basics: 1) Help him find a business course or advisor that increases his skills and awareness of what’s needed to get ahead, and whether he should try another route altogether.

2) Probe your own insecurity about money. You’ve got a good job, and able to save. So what’s got you so anxious? If this is deep-rooted from the past, consider counselling about it, and also consider financial planning for your own good income.

Last year, an older businessman asked me out. He’s always busy. He makes plans and cancels. He planned to take me out for my birthday, and then denied we were to meet.
I got angry and sent him a lot of texts and calls. He finally apologized that he’s stressed, saying something will take two-three months in his work and he’s even isolated from friends and family.
Last time I heard from him was New Year’s. I’ve asked why he’s being so cruel. I texted him to wish a Happy Valentine’s Day. Am I being played?

I really like him but this is disrupting my work, and I barely have an appetite. I’ve never dealt with such an emotionally unavailable person.

Cancelled and Confused 

He’s not that into you. If he were, he’d make enough time to keep you accepting his “stress” cancellations, and believing him.

New Year’s? Valentine’s Day? He’s “busy” with something/someone other than work.