My boyfriend of one year and I get along well.

However, he’s lately been feeling we don't have enough in common, e.g., he’s largely involved with bodybuilding, gaming, and web design.

Although I show interest, he’s said that being with a woman who’s more involved with those things would make for a good relationship for him.

He doesn’t want that to change anything between us, he’s still optimistic about our current relationship.

Is it still strange for me to worry about it?

I find now that whenever he talks a lot to women with bodybuilding, gaming, and/or web background, I feel awkward.

I'm not worried about him cheating, though he has in a past relationship and can be extremely flirtatious. But I wish he’d discuss his interests with me rather than taking all of his time talking about them with other women.

Am I over-thinking this?

Concerned

Listen closer - he’s saying he’s okay with your relationship for now but he’s clear he thinks he’d have a better relationship if someone truly shared his specific interests.

Gaming and bodybuilding are interests over which people get intensely involved, even obsessive. If this describes him, you’ll never catch up. Nor should you try. It’s a set-up for feeling excluded, and bypassed for others who are in the same zone.

There’s a widening gap here. Save your sense of self-worth and take a break, date others, and give him time to be upfront about how much this relationship matters to him, long-term.

I'm 25, pretty, bright, and caring, with a well-paying professional career.
It's been a year since my last relationship, but I still miss him everyday. He was my first love and I gave him my whole self.

My happiness became dependent on the relationship, so when he left me, I was devastated and felt left with nothing.

He also didn’t break up in person, or even say why he didn't want to be with me.

Our relationship was passionate - a lot of fighting, but when things were good I felt like the luckiest girl in the world.
I've returned my focus to my career, my health, my friends and family, and learning to love myself again.
I feel dumb and naive that I still miss him. There’s been some communication but I've convinced myself that he was just bored.

I've been on a couple dates, but no one has come close to making me feel the way he did. I don't know what else to do, but I know that I need to move on. Am I just lacking willpower to let go? Do I just need to continue improving myself?

Still Grieving

You’re mourning more than losing him. Recognize this, and he’ll become another part (once important) of the past.

You feel sad about your own innocence in first love which never comes again; but the good news is that the next loves will get deeper because you’re more mature. You’ll also know the signals that point to distancing on the other person’s part, and know when to ask questions, demand answers, and save yourself first.

You’ve done, and are doing, all the right things to strengthen yourself emotionally. Falling back to missing him is just feeling tired.

You don’t need to “improve.” You need to get going… date more, be open to being with good people, and loyal friends, who don’t “drop” others so rudely.

And get angry. You’ll never again miss cues when someone lacks the courage to discuss issues and behave decently with you.

FEEDBACK Regarding the “tip” that if an online dating contact isn’t of interest, don’t answer it (July 5):

Reader – “I’m male, 40s, dating off and on for 20 years.

To me, anyone who doesn’t answer a contacting email is simply rude and ignorant. If someone’s taken the time to write you a thoughtful, meaningful message, pointing out some of the things they found of interest in your profile, then a response is needed even just, “No, I'm not interested.”

“I understand that many people will be annoying and pestering as to why, or be vindictive saying mean things when being rejected.

“But some of us out here would be decent and respectful and say, thanks for responding back and will wish the person good luck on their search.”

You’ve stated the very reasons (nastiness) why not answering is sometimes wise, especially if the contact feels overly enthused for just a hello.