I’m a woman, 54, in a four-year-plus relationship with a man whom I’ve accidentally discovered is/was using Viagra when I was looking for eye drops in his toiletries bag.
With an expiry date of May 2020, these pills have been around a while. Three pills have been used from both packs.
I’m very surprised by this and hurt, because he did cheat on me in the past for four months. I'm now thinking, did he use the pills when cheating?
I’d like to say something to him about finding them. But he’s not good with confrontation and hates any serious relationship chats.
I don't think it’s something I can just forget. Your thoughts?
Viagra for Cheating?
One glaring unknown here: Could your boyfriend be secretly using Viagra when he has sex with you?
He could easily have taken the pill a half-hour or so before initiating sex. That’s how it works, when there’s desire to augment the pill’s effectiveness.
However, if you two haven’t been intimate much, then it IS a question you must ask:
1) to protect yourself from potentially contracting a sexually transmitted infection (STI).
2) to no longer accept a relationship in which you can’t have a discussion.
Change the style of communication - instead of confronting him, ask how he’s feeling about things between you. Tell him how you’re feeling.
If it doesn’t work, reconsider why you two are together.
Readers’ Commentary Regarding the husband worried about costs for kids’ higher education, and wanting his wife to contribute financially:
“I stayed home with my three children for over 20 years and didn’t work outside the home after the birth of my first.
“My husband’s jobs would’ve been considered below the poverty line for a family of five for most of that time.
“He put in overtime when he could and appreciated that I, too, worked hard with lots of overtime at home.
“I looked for bargains for everything we bought and while the kids were young, they got good quality second-hand clothes and used toys.
“We saved what we could for our retirement and the kids’ post-secondary education. Most monetary gifts our kids received went into their future funds.
“We encouraged them by doubling any amounts from their allowance, etc. that they put into their future fund.
“They knew that we didn't waste money. They had everything they wanted and were happy.
“Now ages 22 to 26, they’re all post-secondary graduates (two from university, one finished two college programs). Not one has a student loan. They all had above $30,000 to their names upon finishing.
“When younger, they all had paper routes, then part-time jobs as teens. Most of that money went into their "future fund," yet they say they always felt they had more money than their friends… because they didn't waste it on frivolous things.
“They worked summers in university/college and saved that money too. They worked hard but had time for fun too.
“They took advantage of all scholarships and bursaries possible. We learned how the financial aid system worked.
“Being lower on the family income-spectrum scale gave them access to higher aid amounts.
“Our kids were able to pay off their student loans upon graduation, and also had thousands left over.
“I’d wished I could consult for families who wished they could stay home with their children but thought they couldn't afford it.
“It’s a matter of doing the math, using imagination, being willing to work hard and sacrifice, with the whole family onboard.”
FEEDBACK Regarding whether a man planning to divorce, should have sex with his new love while still living with his wife (December 7):
Reader – “During a similar process, my lawyer advised me to not even date until EVERYTHING has been completed.
“While a couple may seem on the same page about the break-up, things can turn south very quickly.
“Once my “reasonable” wife retained her lawyer, the accusations started to fly. You don’t want to allow her to have anything credible against you.
“I strongly suggest having a real estate agent evaluate how much you may “lose” by not first fixing up the house.
“My house needed some “fixes,” yet sold above its asking-price. Since many purchasers want to do their own renovations/ personalization, some “imperfections” are readily overlooked.”
Ellie - The man’s new love is single, his wife’s friend, and insisted “no sex” till he’s free. That’s what matters.
Tip of the day:
Never having a “serious relationship chat,” means having no voice about your life together.