My wife does nothing but complain and I can’t take it anymore. She wakes up and complains that her head hurts and she didn’t sleep well. We go about our getting ready routine for the day and she complains that she has nothing to wear. We make a coffee to go, and she complains that it’s not hot enough. We get in the car to drive to work (I drop her off) and she complains about the traffic.
By the time she gets out of the car, I’m ready to scream! I’ve tried making solution-oriented suggestions, but she dismisses everything. For example, I suggested she drink more water throughout the day and especially before bed and put a humidifier in our room. I think her headache is caused by dehydration. She ignored me and had a coffee at 9 p.m.! I even tried setting up the humidifier for my own benefit, but she said it’s too noisy and she couldn’t sleep with it on.
How can I impress upon her that living with a constant complainer isn’t fun? I’m happy to problem solve with her – for all her issues – but I’m sure she’ll just find something else to complain about.
Help!
Connie Complainer
Try this: for the next few days, make a running list of all the things she complains about. Then have a chat with her. Tell her how much you love her and want her to be healthy and happy. Tell her that you understand there are some things that are bothering her right now, such as, and use some of the examples you jotted down. Then impress upon her how much you’d like to help her “fix” her issues.
But instead of rushing in with your suggestions, ask her if she would like your help. If she says no, she’s fine, nothing’s really bothering her, then explain to her that her way of communicating, through complaining, is hard to take.
I was so looking forward to the holidays this year. My summer ended on a low when my dad passed away. We had a tough autumn with my mom because she was devastated by the sudden loss of her husband of 45 years. My sister and I decided to spend the holidays with Mom and our partners, and we rented an Airbnb in Florida.
But then my sister’s boyfriend got sick; my mom didn’t want to be near his germs, which to her meant not being near my sister either; and my girlfriend and I couldn’t afford the place on our own, so we had to cancel the whole plan. She and I were both disappointed but tried to come up with some other fun plans.
Unfortunately, weather got in our way for two of our daytime activities, and then she came down with a mild flu, but enough to put her in bed and uninterested in going out. We made it through but now I’m walking through January like it’s quicksand. How can I get out of this funk?
Missed my holiday
Now that the holidays are over, the price of travel has dropped. See if you can find an affordable getaway, even just for an extended long weekend (Thursday to Sunday still gives you two to three days in the sun). Or plan for Family Day weekend in February when you won’t have to take time off work.
The key is planning something so that you have something to look forward to. January is a tough month – it’s cold, grey, and somewhat dreary. Also, many people put pressure on themselves to go dry (alcohol ban), eat healthy, start exercising, save money, etc. Too many rules put a damper on your joie de vivre.
Find some joy and grab it!
FEEDBACK Regarding kitsch galore (Nov. 14):
Reader – “Yes, it’s time to cut back on the kitsch. It’s probably as much a shopping issue as a desire to be celebratory.
“But I see another possible problem here. Her boyfriend may just be setting his boundaries, which is fine. Or maybe he’s a grinch like her father. It’s quite amazing how many people seek out partners with the very qualities their parents had — the qualities they claim they want to avoid. It’s so easy to steer into a rut, even when trying to avoid it!”
FEEDBACK Regarding the shared bathroom (Nov. 14):
Reader – “Although Pooh-pourri is an excellent suggestion, an even better one is to close the lid before she flushes. This will not only reduce odours but will also prevent harmful bacteria from being released into the air.”