We received a wedding invitation that, on the bottom, read, “Monetary gifts preferred, please.” This is the first time I’ve seen this stated.

- Your Thoughts?

What once seemed rude is now downright practical. Times and styles change, and so do popular responses.
Formerly, wedding gifts were strictly personal choices; then the highly organized (and commercial) bridal registry came into vogue to assure brides of six place settings instead of three toasters.
Today, generally, bride and groom both work, have accumulated enough dishes, and are looking to bigger expenses in a tightened economy, such as a home. So monetary gifts are what they want most.
That doesn’t mean guests should be intimidated to give more than what they’d have spent on a gift item. Determine what you can afford, before you write the cheque.

Dear Readers: A July 6 question from a guy who got dumped by a recently separated woman brought heated responses. The writer had said they both wanted children, and he thought they had long-term potential; but the woman moved way too fast, initiated sex on the third date, and then dumped him. She told him her therapist suggested she consider having a baby on her own, and to separately find a man. He was hurt and signed himself, “Outraged.”
My reply was that he’s lucky she showed her coldly calculating personality so soon. Here are some of your thoughts:

Reader: The answer is simple really, get a good lawyer and demand support payments for the use of your sperm.

Reader: You didn’t know the person you were with. Learn the lesson and move on. If someone doesn’t want to be with you, find someone who does.

Reader: She initiated sex on the first date, presumably by holding a gun to your head, or did she use a date rape drug? YOU were willing to dive head first into murky waters. You took a chance.
Dating is never risk-free. You minimize the risks by going slow, which includes not accepting an invitation for sex on the third date if you aren’t able to handle that.
She and her therapist have probably been working out the fact that she isn’t good at long-term relationships. So if she wants a child, she needs someone more able to be at arm’s length.
She should’ve been up front, but you should be less righteous about the whole thing. It was three dates; get over it.

Reader: These things happen and are part of life - you’re overreacting. She initiated sex but you went along with it so you cannot blame her for that.
She moved things along too quickly? Again, you went along for the ride.
She dumped you? It’s all part of the dating game and is nothing new. I can’t see why you’re so hurt – you barely knew each other.
Move forward and forget her.

Reader: Never touch someone who’s just separated! They haven’t tied up legal ends, and they can always run back to the ex.
Worse, if they’ve just left a long-term marriage, dating is like being a kid in a candy store. They will sample sexually.
If you meet someone in this situation and want to date, look for red flags very early, and keep your guard up. I know, I’ve been burned before!

Reader: It takes a while to get to know someone and if they’re willing to jump in bed so quickly, bells should be ringing in your head as to their motivations - assuming that you are able to be honest about your own.

At my birthday party at a friend’s house, I got drunk; my boyfriend wanted to take me home, I wanted to sleep there. He got into a confrontation with my friend’s husband and the police came.
Previously, we all went camping together, dancing, etc. Now he says that in order to be with him, I must stop talking to my friends because they affect our relationship.
I want to keep my guy but I also want to keep my friends.

- Confused

For a clear choice, look to yourself, first: If “getting drunk” with friends happens regularly, your boyfriend’s trying to save your relationship from this destructive pattern.
Now, look to your friends: The true, loyal pals who have your interests at heart (not just the party pals) are important supports, and your guy needs to understand this.
Look to him: Is he a controller, insecure, and jealous. If so, he’s the one to drop.