My five-year-old son picks his nose. According to my pediatrician, it is one of the top five behaviours of children in his age group.

I ask him not to pick in public; if I notice him picking, we immediately go and wash hands; and I’ll use a tissue to help remove whatever is in there. I have never seen him wipe anything on the furniture.

Recently, my mother-in-law was over and started berating him for picking his nose. He was crying and she was pointing to an armchair in the family room. She showed me an area under one of the arms where it appears plenty of noses have been wiped for longer than I care to think about.

I asked her to kindly walk away until she calmed down and to never speak to my son that way again. She left in a huff. When my husband came home, we argued about what happened. He said I couldn’t speak to his mother that way. I said she couldn’t speak to our son that way, and that she was an adult and he is only a child.

Truthfully, I’m disgusted because I know my son couldn’t have possibly been the one to make that mess. He’s not big enough to reach, and he’s not old enough to have done it that long. I know who the culprit is and I just don’t know how to handle this.

Grossed-out Wife

Yuck! Nose picking is normal, almost every kid does it – and so do adults. Though it is a natural impulse, it is considered very unsanitary.

So don’t be too hard on your son…. or your husband. But you must teach your son, and engage your husband to help with this, that nose picking is not to be done in public. If something is extracted, it is to be thrown in the garbage by using a tissue and then washing your hands to remove any bacteria.

You can then show your husband the problem area on your furniture and ask him to clean it. Hopefully you two can make this as light as possible and laugh about it.

In my opinion, his mother came down hard on your son because she knows she was unsuccessful with her own.

I moved to another country, away from friends and family, when I was in my 20s. My sister and my husband’s sister were already there. We felt safe moving because we knew we had support.

Our first few years were fabulous. We found our community, we both got good jobs in fields we enjoyed, and had a child. But then we lost a child and felt lost ourselves. Unfortunately, my sister was away when the tragedy occurred, and my husband’s sister was also pregnant so she stayed away. My mother had booked to come for the delivery which was months away.

Now my husband and I can barely look at each other. My mother has finally arrived and she is a godsend for our daughter. My husband is throwing himself into work: leaving early, returning late, and staring at his computer. I’m on medical leave but feel as if I’m climbing the walls.

How will we ever recover?

Forlorn

There are no words…… I am so sorry for your loss. Lean on your mother for whatever strength and help she can offer at this time. You and your husband need grief counselling. You need to understand the depth of each other’s loss so you can empathize with each other’s grief. And you need to lean in to each other.

Two crumbling buildings can remain standing if they lean on each other for support. If they lean out, they won’t last the next strong wind.

 

FEEDBACK Regarding the dating hockey mom (Mach 27):

Reader – “The guy she feels is not right was married for several years and is also dating again. He is likely trying to find something to talk about that would keep her interested and the only thing he can come up with is her son and hockey.

“Many years ago, I was in a similar situation and went through a number of dates with that difficulty. One day I met a girl with a similar bad experience. We talked about everything, not just her two young kids.

“We’ve now been married for 50 years. I am 80 and she is 78. It seems this guy likes the hockey mom, and she liked him, but she needs to speak up, talk about other interests and give him a chance. If he still continues focused only on hockey, then move on.”