I’m 51, and have been “friends with benefits” for two years with a lady I wouldn’t want to date. It’s a sexual relationship – we only go out for dinner or to a concert occasionally.
She wants more.
I explained that she was not the type I want to have a relationship with.
She couldn’t understand why and I couldn’t say – it’s because she sweats and stinks a lot. It bothers me, but she cannot do anything about it because she’s somewhat overweight.
I’m an honest person but feel it’s rude to mention things of a highly personal matter.
She wants to resume our being FWB but I now feel it’s wrong, given the way I feel. Am I right?
- Honest Man
You have been SO wrong about how you’ve dealt with this woman that it’s hard to stomach your self-serving reasons.
You say she stinks, but you’ve managed to avert your delicate nose while you had sex for two years!
And it did NOT occur to you that this was leading her on to think you cared for her?
The biggest favour you could do this woman is never contact her again. She’ll be hurt, then angry, and finally recognize you’re a selfish jerk who used her badly.
My sister’s husband has been acting weird around me – not hitting on me, but always cracking sexy jokes, commenting on my figure, and staring at me.
I laugh it off but feel I should tell my sister, yet nothing’s really happened.
He IS hitting on you.
Be fast and firm in telling him to stop. Laughing and letting his remarks pass sends a signal of acceptance.
If he continues, warn him you’ll be alerting Sis, which will create family rifts.
I’ve been dating a warm, and loving man for months, but he has issues of trust and jealousy.
His girlfriend of the past was very jealous.
Also, his wife had an affair.
He says he doesn't trust me. I’m friendly; he then accuses me of making plans and having an affair with someone he’s seen me talking to.
He says if I’d just admit that I did, and say I'm sorry, it won't happen again, things would be fine.
Why would I admit to something I didn't do?
He also says I have lots of boyfriends and a lot of guys calling me – untrue. He’s very insecure and makes me feel hurt and uneasy.
I've told him that his past shouldn’t be taken out on me, but he still insists that I lie to cover up. I care for him but he can't see he has a problem.
What can be done?
- Wrongly Accused
Warning: If you think his behaviour is hard to take now, it’ll only get worse should you two live together and/or marry.
Unless he recognizes that he certainly DOES have a problem, no denials on your part will ease his insecurity.
His jealousy may even turn to controlling behaviour, whereby he’ll restrict some of your friendships and where you go, based on his suspicions.
The only way to hope he’ll seek help for this problem, is to stop dating him and be clear why. Say that you won’t accept his hounding and distrust any more; his past history is for him to work out through therapy.
Hold firm on this position until you’re sure that he’s getting counselling and trying to change.
My daughter, six, doesn’t want to play with other kids. I think this goes way beyond shyness.
In kindergarten, she “faked” being sick once weekly to miss school.
She’s an only child, but has been in a daycare for three years. Her social problems seem to be getting worse. She even refused to have a birthday party with other kids present.
- How to Fix?
A true social phobia is a serious but treatable disorder; however, it’s beyond most parents’ efforts or skills to “fix.”
You’ve made good moves in sending her to day care for socialization and not forcing her into situations she doesn’t want. Go with your instinct that this is a bigger problem than shyness and seek a referral from your family doctor to a specialist such as someone who does behaviour modification therapy.
Your child will need professional help learning ways to overcome her fears of social situations.
Tip of the day:
“Friends with benefits” means two people have agreed on a sex-only relationship and understand why – otherwise, one party is being used.