My wife’s family has a party for every possible occasion, also daylong picnics, cottage gatherings, and out-of-town trips.

They define “family” to include ex-spouses, and past loves.

My problem is having to be with my wife’s ex that frequently. His sister usually comes along too, and she winds up my wife’s kids about all the “remember when” moments past, when “the family” was together before my wife’s divorce. It makes me feel like a fifth wheel.

My wife says we have to attend because her kids (young adults) would be “devastated” if she wasn’t there. What do you think? We’ve been married over ten years.

Fifth Wheel

Talk to your wife openly about your feelings. Then discuss possible solutions that work for both of you. Ask if she can accept your not going every time – not as a protest, but because it’s not that comfortable.

Also, suggest ways to create new “memories” for you two along with her kids (and yours, if you have some).

Example: Start a tradition of your own family get-together, say, around your anniversary (separate from private time for you two on the actual day).

Have just your immediate family (hers and yours) over for your birthday, plan an annual visit to one of the summer concert or playground venues in your area… whatever forms a fun family scene.

While attending a children’s party at a birthday venue with activities, I noticed one girl, age nine, behaving inappropriately around the adult male in charge - constantly touching him, tugging at his arm, etc. She even perched herself on his knee when he squatted down to talk to the kids.

The man neither did nor said anything about it.

Finally, the birthday girl’s mother, who also noticed, took the girl aside when everyone else was busy running around.

She told her that the man was responsible for all the kids and had to keep his eyes on everyone, so couldn’t be distracted by just one.

The girl, who’s considered a very good kid by parents of her peers, and has significant males in her life (father, brother, uncles, etc.), said okay and didn’t hang around the man afterward.

But I felt that he was remiss for letting her attentions and distraction go on for so long, and be so obvious.

What would you advise should be done in such a situation?

Curious Bystander

Any adult there could’ve spoken to the man, since he’s the one who should’ve set limits on this girl.

She likely was just attaching herself to him as the “leader,” in all innocence, just wanting attention from her peers. But he’s the one who could be seen to be even more inappropriate, by allowing the touching and her sitting on his knee.

It was very unwise of him, for his own reputation, even if he was trying not to embarrass the girl.

You and others witnessed it… he should know that could affect people by not choosing this venue in future, affecting his business.

You or the birthday girl’s mother should still make that call to him and explain how uncomfortable the incident made you feel, and that it’s his responsibility to set clear boundaries with children, male or female.

He should understand that, if a child ever reported to parents how close and touchy-feely she or he was with this man, it could cause some parents to report it to the police (despite this man’s presumed innocence).

FEEDBACK - Regarding the single mother who’s living with her parents and young child after leaving an abusive relationship  (June 9):

Reader – “Dating as a single parent is notoriously difficult, and dating websites let members put that information about being a parent up front so that nobody is disappointed.

“Also, everyone who dates risks becoming involved with an abusive or undesirable partner. Unless you date only your longtime friends, everyone you meet is a "stranger," online or offline.

“This woman may’ve been a victim of a bad relationship once, but she's an adult, so even her mother has no business telling her she's being delinquent, or a bad parent, by seeking romance.

“What you got right was for her to get counseling to make sure she won't develop a pattern of dating abusers.”

Ellie – She wrote that her mother has difficulty trusting her due to past poor choices “both recent and distant.” Hopefully, counselling will help.