I’m trying hard to get over breaking up with my boyfriend of five years. It wasn’t the best relationship - he cheated on me several times and wasn’t always the nicest guy to be around. While I was with him, I often wished it would be over.
Now it’s been a month and I feel so heartbroken. He ended the relationship because he’s with someone else.
I know I should be thanking my lucky stars to be rid of him, but I feel so hurt and lost and can’t understand why. Part of me wants to call him to tell him how much he hurt me, but I stop myself every time.
Why am I still feeling so down?
Please do yourself a favour and read your letter over; I’m certain that you’ll realize that your heartbreak is NOT over losing this guy, but over the fact that you let him jerk you around for five years. You resent that he took control of what you already knew was a bad situation, and ended it by finding someone else.
Well, pity her, and snap out of your self-imposed sadness. You’re free of him, and free to choose better next time.
Do NOT call him, you’d just be pulling yourself down further when you realize he doesn’t care that you’re hurt. And that’s because he’s still the same jerk he was before, whom you can now happily leave behind. Go out and enjoy yourself with supportive friends, and activities you enjoy doing.
The rest of your life is waiting for you… hopefully with more self-respect and wisdom in the mix.
We’re three couples whose marriages and friendship goes back 30-plus years. We’ve maintained a “tradition” of getting together for dinner, and some terrific conversation three to four times a year.
At a recent social event one of the women confided to my wife that she’d recently consulted with a divorce lawyer. Her husband (who took early retirement) had been drinking heavily and this along with other issues had her concerned about their marriage.
My wife asked if the woman had discussed it with her husband, or, had considered joining Al-anon or going for joint counselling. But in a crowd, they couldn’t really converse.
Did my wife say the right thing?
We love the couple equally and would hate to see their marriage end. Our other friends would be devastated as well!
Do we say or do anything to try and point them in the right direction or is it best that we simply keep our yaps shut and offer support if it's requested.
- To be Nosey or Not
Yaps shut, please.
The woman is a mature adult who’s living through a situation, which you can’t really know, unless she tells you. She did open up to your wife, who did respond with excellent suggestions – and now it’s up to your friend to make the next move.
My girlfriend has asked me to be a bridesmaid at her wedding but she’s dictating that the dresses be a dull grey that looks terrible on me, even though I have to pay the shot!
Do I refuse or argue about the colour?
- Wrong Shade
Show her the fabric colour near your skin, and suggest a different shade.
Or, recommend that the bridesmaids wear shawls to brighten up the dresses.
If she’s unmovable, and you feel you’ll never wear the dress again, weigh the friendship against the cost, and choose your next move.
I have two young boys and a loving husband; however, my in-laws have always lived with my husband and when we got married, this continued… seven stressful years for me.
My husband won’t do anything other than tell me to pack up and leave, when I try to discuss this. He even threatens to take legal action to ensure that the kids will remain with him and his family.
My in-laws feel like they’re in control and have always ignored my emotions. I wouldn’t hate them if they weren’t living with us.
- Can’t Take It
Your husband’s controlling and threatening attitude isn’t what I call “loving.” However, you need to get a clear perspective on why living with your in-laws is so difficult, and what your options are for resolving some problems while living together.
Get to a professional counsellor about this, on your own. Then, decide your best course.
Tip of the day:
A broken heart over a break up often reflects anger at oneself, as much as the other person.